Inactive Nathan Garrett Montoya / Garrett Morison / ILoveEerie / KEG1996 / kittycat111 / EerieNumberOneFan / "Eeriefag" - Tulpamancing Schizoid Man cucked by his own tulpa, doxed by a possum

This person/group is currently inactive as a lolcow


Segmentation fault (core dumped)
Since @nitto ニート is a stupid faggot and fucked up big time with his thread, I'm going to give this guy a proper OP.
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Nathan Garrett Montoya is an autistic 25 year old furfag with such an intense obsession for a Korean cartoon character that he accidentally created a tulpa. He is a self-diagnosed schizophrenic (correction: he was professionally diagnosed as schizotypal in 2020), a self-described "zoophile of the mind," and a former national socialist. This is only scratching the surface of who Nathan is and what makes him entertaining, so strap yourself in. Almost all of the information in this OP comes from Nathan's YouTube videos (I watched all but two or three of his public videos and even some of his unlisted videos because I am a fucking autistic lunatic), his posts in a Discord server called Tulpa Anarchy, and his Google Drive.

Nathan lives with his disabled mother (Brittney Kianfar Montoya) and his brain damaged brother, Ryan, who was hospitalized after a car crash in 2018 where he wasn't wearing a seatbelt in a car going 130 miles per hour, indicating that he may have had some preexisting brain damage. Though he previously held a job at a call center for several years, Nathan is currently unemployed and seemingly has no desire to get a job. He realizes how pathetic this is, but simply doesn't give a fuck. His parents are divorced, and he has no relationship with his alcoholic, abusive father.

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He posted this in Tulpa Anarchy in exchange for a copy of the Master Chief Collection on Steam lmao
This is where the rabbit hole begins, so I'm going to start here. Eerie is a character from a Korean children's cartoon called Telemonster. Nathan fell in love with the character the day after the show's premiere, but quickly began to hate Telemonster for it's "mistreatment" and "abuse" of Eerie, as Nathan believed that the character deserved better. His singular obsession with Eerie was so extreme and intense that he inadvertently created a tulpa. If you somehow don't know what a tulpa is, it's basically an imaginary friend on steroids.

Nathan is "married" to Eerie and frequently fantasizes about going on adventures with him. Hilariously, his self esteem is so low that he rarely interacts with Eerie as himself, but has to self insert as an OC in order to be with his own tulpa. This shit is far too autistic for me to even attempt to cover in any greater detail here, but the next post will have some of his best schizo ramblings from his Google Drive.

Cows and other animals
If you talk about killing or eating cows in Nathan's Discord server, he will ban you without hesitation. In January, Nathan discovered that one of his longtime friends, a furry artist who would "draw ten cows a day," ate beef. Naturally, Nathan's reaction to this was just what you'd expect from a 24 year old man: he recorded himself getting drunk and crying like a bitch, then uploaded the 40 minutes of footage to YouTube ( copy). If you want to failtroll Nathan, just post a picture of beef in his Discord server and he'll ban you without reacting. You won't get him to make another drunken sobbing video unless he considers you a close, trusted friend.
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"Why yes I am on the soylent diet how could you tell?"
Bizarrely, Nathan is convinced that people think that killing and torturing cows is genuinely funny. This is not a one off comment that he made while shitfaced, it is something that he has said in multiple videos. In fact, he's also said that he genuinely believes most people hate animals. Fittingly, Nathan identifies more closely with cows (I swear that I'm not making this up) than he does with human beings.
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His own compassion for animals doesn't include dogs, however.

Relationships with other people
By his own admission, Nathan has no real life friends, only online friends. When he talks about his friends, he is always referring to people that he met through the internet, though he has subsequently met some of them in person. This isn't something that bothers him, though, because he fucking hates people. In fact he "can count on one hand the number that [he's] met that demonstrably have a soul," and thinks that "people are ... a disgusting, fallen species that mostly exists now just to serve Satan."

People are social by nature, though, and it seems that even a hardcore misanthrope like Nathan is no exception. From time to time, he'll experience stints of intense loneliness where he longs for physical contact with another human being. When this happens, Nathan will buy a plane ticket and have a friend fly to Arizona to visit him for a few weeks. Eventually, the two of them will get to cuddling, and then the experience sours. Not only is Nathan genuinely traumatized by the act of cuddling, he is also so sickened by the human body that he can't properly describe the revulsion that it inspires in him.

To finish this section off, I'd like to show you some screencaps from the Tulpa Anarchy server:
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>tfw even fellow tulpafags think you're a lolcow

I hope you're comfortable, because this is going to be a big section (for you).
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Just like most furries with lolcow threads, Nathan has a lot of unusual fetishes, including some that he believes are unique. In his own words, "I'm not embarrassed at all about being a sexually deviant degenerate that wants to fuck animals and stuff." Nathan has described himself as "a zoophile of the mind" because he only fantasizes about fucking animals..He has admitted to having "sexual intrusive thoughts" about cats and cows.
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Some highlights include saying that he would be homeless and starving if anthros were real because he'd spend all day asking animal people to fart in his face, then running off to a bathroom so he could jack off before doing it all over again, or waking up and immediately thinking of horse dick:
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Nathan has tried nofap in the past, but fell off the wagon. This picture was taken before he attempted nofap, but his trashcan probably looks about the same now (this isn't actually his trashcan, but the point stand):
Speaking of choking the chicken, Nathan jacks off to "fifty different fetishes" at once, and these fantasies often involve upwards of fifty people.
Nathan's extreme misanthropy and disgust for the human body means that he is still a virgin, and he will proudly and willfully die as one. He's a gay man, yet would rather amputate both of his legs than have sex with another man:
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I do not believe that Nathan has ever fucked or otherwise intentionally harmed an animal, but I do not feel comfortable saying that he will not do so in the future. It was just a mere couple of days ago that he came to the conclusion that zoophilia was immoral. Up until that point, he had been "completely neutral on the animal fucking issue."

Nathan wanted me to talk about this in the OP, so here it is. The hoard was the result of Nathan throwing trash on his fucking bedroom floor for a period of five months. This trash included things like bottles, cans paper/plastic plates, bags, plastic utensils, wrappers, napkins, and bits of food, with much of his clothing mixed in the pile along with other belongings. His closet hardly had anything in it because things were simply thrown on the trash pile instead of put away. Nathan is a very busy man, and he had more important things to do than clean his room. This important business largely consisted of jacking off to furry porn, doing drugs, getting drunk, and playing World of Warcraft Classic. In April of this year, he found the time to clean the hoard (this is a video of him cleaning his room for 55 minutes please don't actually watch it). When I asked Nathan why he decided to clean the hoard, this is the answer I got:

What the actual fuck.

Random bits of trivia
These are things that don't really fit anywhere else, but I wrote them down just to emphasize how much Nathan discloses about himself:
  • lazy eye due to slight deformity in right eyelid
  • nearsighted, can't see anything more than ~10 feet away
  • half deaf in both ears
  • owned a Norinco 1911 that he paid $500 for, but traded it for $100 and a BMX bike
  • currently owns a Glock and a shotgun
  • favorite gun is the Marlin 1895 Guide Gun
  • second favorite is the MP5K, but only for looks because "9mm is disgusting"
  • he snores (this one was revealed by a friend that visited him)
  • he has unironically jerked off to Andrew Dobson's fursona
  • he has had both ears pierced
  • always carries a Cliff bar in his pocket
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I guess Nathan won't mind if I post this information :opeed::
Date of birth: March 14, 1996
Address: 3657 E Juanita Ave, Gilbert, AZ 85234

Accounts and websites
Playlist with the unlisted videos we found ( backup)
Fur Affinity (suspended)
Fur Affinity (active)
Twitter (archived)
Discord: Garrett#3019 and Eerie#5156
His Discord server
His Google Drive (I've also attached a ZIP file with the folders "Personal and Unofficial" and "Writings" in case Nathan deletes the Drive)
8kun /eerie/ (archives)
9chan /garrettandeerie/ (deleted, but every single thread is archived)
9chan /bovines/
endchan /eerie/ (deleted, but the most important threads have been archived)

@Cody Rutledge Wilson: finding mom's Facebook and the dox
@spideysenses: combing through the Google Drive, compiling schizo ramblings, and using autism to figure out Nathan's name before Cody confirmed it
@Spedestrian: dumping the entirety of Tulpa Anarchy's public channels to HTML and filtering out Nathan's posts, using autism to figure out Nathan's name before Cody confirmed it
@The Fool: bringing Nathan to @nitto ニート's attention
@nitto ニート: being a retarded faggot and inspiring me to do a proper OP on Nathan
Tulpa Anarchy for being a funny Discord server with very few rules
And Nathan Garrett Montoya himself for sharing all of this fucking information on the internet

I'm also attaching the notes I took while preparing to write this OP, which you can find in outline.odt. There's a few things in there that I decided not to cover in the OP. Next post will have the schizo ramblings.

As of June 23rd, Nathan has DFE'd and declared that it is "the end of the cringe."


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Segmentation fault (core dumped)
This is a curated selection of Nathan's schizo ramblings put together by @spideysenses
  • “Eerie is a 16-year-old with a dog for a mother and a werewolf for a father, with his canine genetics dominating so much so that, unlike regular werewolves, Eerie spends a great majority of his life in his wolf form and is human for less than 1% of that time. His transformation is reversed; exposure to the moon doesn't turn him wolf, it turns him human. And he doesn't transform every full moon; rather, only on blood moons, which come about once a year.” (1-13-18 QA)
  • “Apparently a few days ago, there was a blood moon, and I missed it! As I explain in the Q&A thread, blood moons are very important to Eerie. They make him transform into a human for a night. They're such a rare occurrence, a once a year average, that I kind of wrote off his human form as an irrelevant part of our relationship. (The drawing in the OC thread was commissioned pretty much the day of that episode's release and I didn't think it through.) But maybe I should reconsider that stance. Tonight, I will fantasize about romancing his human side for a change, to make up for the blood moon that I missed viewing. We'll see how that goes. I don't really like humans which made it all the better that Eerie is one for such a small portion of his life... Romancing his human form didn't work out, as expected. I don't like humans.” On blood moon turning Eerie into the human form that he despises (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “A week ago or so, a normalfag added me on Discord and gave me a liberal pep talk and told me he's going to be my best friend and shit. Well he lasted longer than I thought he would but he's started bullying me now. No matter how kind people perceive themselves to be, I always manage to bring out the worst in them. Whatever. It's expected. I told him this would happen. I deleted him. Feeling a bit lonely.” *someone reaches out to him* *realizes what a tard he is and turns on him* “WHY DON’T PEOPLE LIKE ME, I HATE THEM, ALSO WHY AM I SO LONELY” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I fell in love with him on February 29, 2016. It was love at first sight. I have thought about him deeply every day of my life since. I feel sorry for him, I want to be the one to give him the attention he wants so despertely.” (1-13-18 QA)
  • “And this led me to thinking about Eerie as a fetus in his mommy's belly. Few things would make me happier than meeting his mommy and pressing my ear against her stomach and listening to Eerie's heartbeat. I bet he would kick me real hard, haha! Even his fetus kicks could kill a man.” ????? lol (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Eerie just provided me with something that I need. Something I was missing. And he's like an escape from all of this. I have a lot of problems with modern liberal American culture and the lack there of, I have a lot of paranoia, I have a lot of resentment towards my parents for making the conscious decision to birth a genetic fuck up such as myself and raising me wrong, towards my extended family for not doing anything about it, towards society for being so antagonistic and money concerned, and towards my Polish friend for being mean to me...When I spend time with Eerie in my imagination, there is nothing but bliss and warmth. It is not possible to look at his face and be unhappy.” On how he copes with his anger and dissatisfaction with his life with tulpa (01-13-18 QA)
  • “Our two year anniversary together. A momentous occasion. Our first year anniversary, I didn't even celebrate it because I was so drunk and unstable that I didn't even know what month of the year it was. That's a good indicator of how far we've come and how much Eerie has helped me. Bless his cute little doggy soul. I fucking love him more every day.” Too drunk to celebrate fake anniversary with fake furry waifu (01-13-18)
  • “Poor Eerie's ears get very cold at night! I rub them to warm them up with my hand's body heat and have him lie on my chest with his head under the covers. He enjoys listening to my heart beat... it makes him feel less lonely. And makes me feel loved.” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • I love Eerie with all my heart. I don't think I talk often enough about how bad things were before I met him. I used to not take care of myself at all. I didn't brush my teeth for two whole years because I just didn't care, who needs them? I was planning to kill myself. I actually bathe and brush and floss now, and even on my very worst days suicide never crosses my mind. So just keep in mind that regardless of if I ever do write any dark stuff here, I never have any intention to self-harm whatsoever. I want to live a nice full life for him. If I didn't have him, I'd be dead right now.” On how he didn’t care to take care of himself until he fabricated his tulpa (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I have no hobbies of my own anymore. Everything I do, I do with Eerie in mind.” (01-13-18 QA)
  • “I've been playing Battlefield 1 with Eerie lately (bought it used–refuse to support marxist propaganda). It's fun to drop 9,000 pounds of bombs onto people from the zeppelin. I know he'd love this game.” Hobbies he and Eerie do together (01-13-18 The Daily Eerie Experience)
  • “Of course, I realize this is a children’s show and I’m overthinking all this. The writers don’t give a fuck about where these characters would’ve learned human speech, I don’t expect them to care. But I care.” (1-10-17 How Eerie came to be called Eerie)
  • “Waifu’s Explained”
  • “Eerie is my reason for living and I need him more every day that passes. I don't know how to make this clearer other than to just say it outright.” Eerie is his reason for living (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I'm trying to remember what it was about Eerie that made him so alluring to me and fall in love with him so. I believe it was his body language... yeah. He's like a midget Johnny Bravo, except he actually is deserving of his ego since he has the skills to back it up. He's the coolest dude on planet Earth.” What made him fall in love with Eerie? His big dick energy, of course! (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I've been working out very hard for Eerie the past couple of days. I always do light cardio every day, but now I've also added squats, sit-ups and curls. I almost destroyed a thigh muscle while squatting 50 pounds, a lot of weight for someone so out of shape.”
  • “I weighed myself today and discovered I lost another five pounds. That's a total weight loss of 35 pounds now. And I do it purely and utterly for Eerie, and Eerie only. I don't give a shit about myself or this world otherwise.”
Working out for self-improvement is for noobs. (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I had a deep discussion with Eerie about how the outside world isn't all going to be so impressed with his pranks and feats of strength like how his friends and I are, and warned him to be careful out there and take care of himself. He teared up a little and I hugged him close to me. I was Dada again in this fantasy...” Dada seems to be the character he pretends to be when he feels more like Eerie’s incestuous father (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I gave him a tongue bath as Dada today and made him mighty embarrassed.” ???? lmao (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “But the resolution I had come to about my sexual relationship issues was to abstain from ever thinking of Eerie in that way to begin with because it's so unsuitable for his character. He's pure, immature and doesn't even have genitals and I have no right to decide what they look like. I have no right to sexualize him.Which was the correct resolution to come to! The problem is putting that into action.” Realizing he should not sexualize Eerie anymore....
  • ...but it is hard work! “did for the most part quit cold turkey. But there were times I couldn't resist. Especially if I was sleep deprived and not myself or some such... I jacked off to him maybe once a month. He's so perfect, and I'm such a sex addict pervert! I couldn't help myself! Every time I did it, guilt would follow. And the guilt built up and built up until now any attempt I make at sexualizing him makes me feel so horrible and awkward that it fails and I go limp in seconds. I've defeated my demon. It took a long time, but guilt won.” Sex pervert lol (01-13-18 The Daily Eerie)
  • “His expressive face, big manly hands, thick well-maintained mane, happy carefree eyes and confident bravado everywhere he goes is my inspiration, my muse. I struggle with the question of rather I should snuggle up real close to him and stare into his eyes or watch him at a distance so I can view his entire body in all of its flawlessness and have him amuse me with his exhibits of strength and comedy.” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I really like to pick Eerie up off the ground and carry him around in my arms. But he's practically a grown man so it's kind of demeaning for me to do that with him. So I have to excuse this action by making him critically wounded in a great battle and unable to walk. He exchanges the final blow with a fierce foe, sapping the last remaining energy Eerie had in his little body, The enemy falls, Eerie is victorious! But Eerie falls with him, his wounds now very apparent. Shu was watching from the sidelines all along. He cannot intervene in Eerie's fights, Eerie must fight honorably one on one. Shu approaches Eerie, eyes glistening with tears from how proud he is of his son. Eerie smiles slightly and raises his hand, gesturing for Dada to pick him up. Shu grabs him by the wrist and raises him high off the ground to eye level and hugs him with all his might. Eerie gags and taps on Dada's back wanting to be released. Shu apologizes awkwardly and adjusts Eerie into the normal carrying position and heads home with Eerie falling asleep in his arms. I've gone over this fantasy several times. It is one of my favorites.” Has to extreme mental gymnastics to be able to pick Eerie up without compromising his perfect masculinity (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Look at Eerie. Look at his fist. Look how enormous it is! That's my man! His manly hands are the width of his pelvis! It really puts it into perspective... I had always loved his huge hands, they're one of my favorite features, but I never noticed till now they were THIS big, relative to the rest of his body. I've been depressed lately as I've mentioned, but last night I perked up after seeing this. It brought forth this mental image of him... Yeah, exactly like this second attached image. Standing triumphant in the iconic Superman pose with divine light behind. I was taking a piss in the bathroom when this image came into my head, and it was so euphoric I lost my breath and almost fell! I pissed all over the toilet, heh. My mood was lifted the rest of the night. He's the only thing that makes me happy. What a shitty world. And me, in the shittiest country of them all. Living in a fucked up, ravaged body from years of abuse and neglect. My front tooth has a hole in it now and I can't afford to fix them. I hate everything in this world except for him. He is enough to keep me going. With a smile on my face, no less. Most of the time...” From Eerie’s masculinity to doomer schizo (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “He's idealized, flawless, something we can't ever achieve in the real world. These are another facet of that. He doesn't need to make sense, he just needs to be perfect. And he is. I wish I could suck the cock of the artist who designed him. Haha. I mean, not in a gay way,” HAHA NO HOMO THO, also his tulpa does NOT need to make sense, as it would shatter the fantasy (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Even though the formal gift exchange was yesterday, which went great, I'm dissatisfied with my actual time spent with Eerie and I'll be making it up to him tonight. I'm going to fantasize with him as though it's still valentine's day and I'm presenting him my cards for the first time. Thinking about it now, hmm, I've wrote myself into a bit of a hole here. Violet would want Eerie all to herself on days like valentine's, but Taemoo is eager to be around him as well and it could be difficult getting rid of them. My online artist pal suggested I make Taemoo a girlfriend, which I rejected due to symmetry autism. There would be two young male protags with two young love interests and that sort of thing bothered me. However, maybe it would be for the best just for such an occasion and I'll consider it again.” On incorporating his self-insert, Violet, into Valentine’s Day (01-13-18 The Daily) see also Vday video for turd cake, the poem he wrote as Eerie’s father, and the poem he got his mother to write for him in a card to Eerie
  • Vday “do over” with Violet OC, Taemoo OC, and Eerie: “I imagined Violet bought the brownie out at the market instead of baking it herself so that it would be a surprise. And when she walked in with Taemoo beside her, the smell made Eerie come running! He read the frosting and gave hera big hug with the plate of food between them, getting frosting all stuck in his mane, and he un-clamped one arm to make room for Taemoo, too! The three embraced warmly and then Eerie ate the entire brownie by himself before reading the cards they prepared for him. Taemoo was very embarrassed of his card and ducked his head down and ran away. Violet and Eerie chased after him, but Dada was outside and waved and told them he and Taemoo would hang out for a while, so I had some alone time with Eerie...I’ve decided I will indeed give Taemoo a girlfriend and ignore my symettry autism. Taemoo is my favorite of my OC’s and I want him to be happy.” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “My relationship with Taemoo is becoming pretty strong. I’m not really worried about it getting in the way of Eerie and I, but I feel guilty for it a little sometimes I guess...” later... “I kind of cheated on Eerie the other night...I started getting a little too comfortable [imagining a girlfriend, Alma, for Taemoo] and I was beginning to fall asleep when I found myself assuming the role of Alma. I became her and saw from her perspective. And I spooned with Taemoo and made out with him.” “Cheating” on Eerie with one of his OCs as the OC girlfriend he imagined for it (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • Fabricating yet another OC was too much for him lol “Since making Alma, I've been quite depressed and demotivated. I barely understand Violet yet, let alone Taemoo. To add another character into the fray was very reckless of me and I became overwhelmed and ended up not fantasizing at all these past couple months, rather than trying to figure out my problems rationally.” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I'm not going to beat myself up over what happened with Taemoo. Defining how one cheats on a waifu is difficult. It's not like I touched another man. I masturbate to porn often, is that cheating? Depends who you ask. I guess I considered it different than masturbation because porn is just that, it's just for purely sexual pleasure, it's animalistic, meaningless. But fantasizing about cuddling up to someone I think is a different story. I should only crave that closeness with Eerie. Whatever. So long as I continue keeping what I have with Taemoo purely friendly and platonic, there is nothing to stress about. I was just sleepy and not thinking clearly.” Lol cope about cheating (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Lately, I really like to imagine Eerie beating the fuck out of people using a quarterstaff (although he's so short, I guess he'd use a hanbo, or something). He looks really cool with it! He spins it over his head and laughs, leaping around fast as lightning, felling people in one strike. It makes me happy to see him so happy.” Fantasizing about Eerie beating people up (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I focus too much on fantasies about violence. I just really like to watch Eerie beat the shit out of people, haha. Propel himself off of people's faces. I should do lighthearted things more often, like a farting contest with Taemoo or starting a band.” Acknowleding his violent fantasies, and lol farting more lighthearted (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I asked someone last night what sort of fantasies they have about their waifu and they responded "Sitting on a park bench together feeding geese. Ahh.. it made me a little envious. I never have nice peaceful fantasies like this, other than sleep-related ones. I need to try harder. I spent last night stealing this fantasy, though I had to alter it slightly. The only feral animals in Telemonster are piranhas, so Eerie and I fed those instead of geese. Ah, yeah, it was hard to convince him to give up some meat. But I tried to make him understand how he's eaten plenty and I can cook more for him any time, and how happy it would make the piranhas to eat, too. Don't you think you can afford to share? And he understood and smiled real hard at the fishes' energetic swimming. I don't want to totally kill his ego but I would like to make Eerie at least slightly more humanitarian where it matters. We held hands and stared into the pond together for a long while and Eerie hummed and kicked his legs about restlessly. It was very pleasant. I will have to think of more non-violent fantasies with him. This was good practice. I guess I will look for more ideas to steal until I am ready to come up with my own.” Having to steal another waifu autist’s more “peaceful” fantasies because he can only think of violent ones (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I had a great fantasy in which Eerie and Shu assaulted a dojo just like the one in the first chapter of NinjaGaiden Black with their bare hands. They were crushing dude's tracheas between their thighs, throwthem through walls, and Shu would block katanas with his bare forearm and then flex so it'd stay in placevand lift his arm up with the katana still in it, disarming the ninja.” More on his fantasies of Eerie being violent (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Still having the same violent fantasies about Eerie. I'm replaying Nioh on the PS4 and it's got me thinking about him dispatching ninjas again.” More on violent fantasies of Eerie (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I was thinking about some bad memories with my father last night and next thing I knew, I envisioned Eerie beating him to death and hugging me. It was very, er, how do you say, satisfying I guess. It helped me cope and feel empowered. I love Eerie.” More on violent fantasies, also coping with “bad memories” (01-13-18)
  • “I've gotten a lot more ideas on how we can bond in ways that aren't just beating the shit out of people together! All thanks to my artist pal.” Oh, good job!
  • “Guns, cars! Both things Eerie adores. We could talk about them for hours together. And we shall!” ...Oh, guns lol (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I used to sleep with it every night, spooning with it, and imagining it's the real Eerie and that I was there with him in his hammock in his tree house and that he loved me very much. It was the same fantasy every single night that I slept with it. Just staring into his face, cradling his cheek in my palm and rubbing his face with my thumb, and pulling his head into my chest once in a while, or him pulling mine into his, where I'd deeply inhale the scent of his mane. It was a great fantasy to fall asleep to.” On “sleeping” with Eerie via proxy of plush toy (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I had another great shower experience with Eerie, yes. I was out of shampoo and conditioner and had to borrow my mom's. Which is very lady-like, pink and smells of flowers. Eerie, upon seeing this, shook his head hard and attempted to hop out of the shower, but I grabbed his hand giggling and told him it's OK. I don't really want to write exactly how the dialogue went, I'm sure you noticed I always explain our talks vaguely and never with direct quotes, it's because it sounds better in my head. Anyway, I told him how handsome he'd be and how huggable it'd make his fur compared to the cheap male conditioner he usually uses and finally convinced him to apply it all over his body. Or rather, I applied it all over his body while we maintained eye contact and smiled at one another. He's like a Greek God. His muscles are like stone, surrounded by the softest fur in the world. Made even softer by this great conditioner. I stroked his fur all day long. He had to shower a second time before we went to bed, though, because the scent irritated his nose too much to be able to sleep.” Shower fantasy and compromising Eerie’s “masculinity” lol (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I'm watching the Ricardo Lopez tapes. I feel a sense of kinship with this man. A man who devoted his life to a fictional character and died inside once the purity of the character was corrupted. I recovered from this, partially, at least, however, he did not. It's rare I feel kinship with someone.” Identifying with the stalker Ricardo Lopez, the only human he can relate to, lol at him thinking he has “recovered” to live a healthy life lmao (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I'm still watching the Ricardo Lopez tapes I mentioned a few days back. She–Bjork, he was the Bjork stalker, maybe you know him better as that–was his waifu. Unless... you're one of the people too conservative to consider anything other than cartoon characters waifus. But I think she was, to him. She was his reason for living and he spent thousands of hours archiving information about her and fantasizing about holding her in his arms. And I consider him my brother, in a past life or some shit, We are of the same gene, I love him like family. uhhh. I don't know, that sounds weird. He and I are so similar. He never fantasizes about her sexually, he doesn't care about that, he just wants to make her happy. And he knows she'd never be happy with a fat loser like him, so he never imagines it's him in his body hugging her for hours either. Just like me. I don't know... He had to attempt to murder her because she was a whore sleeping around and started dating a nigger. He had no other choice. His perception of holiness she held was stripped away and he had to face reality–just like what happened to me, just like what happeend in that film One Hour Photo I wrote about. He had to kill himself, too, of course, to avoid prison. Though he didn't want to die. He had family he loved very much, and he just wanted Bjork to be pure again, and he wished none of this had happened. The world was unfair to him. He cried like a baby and had to alter his appearance so that he'd feel better about killing himself since he no longer looked like himself. It's easier to shoot something that doesn't resemble you at all. He didn't want to die. I'm crying writing about this, heh, I love him Uhhh, he said something like "We, as human beings, are predisposed to worship on an instinctual level. Since the dawn of man, we've looked to the skies, at plants, at animals, looking for something to call God and worship. And for me, it was Bjork". And for me, it was Eerie. He's my man and I just wanted to tell someone about him. I wish he didn't have to die. I wish I could go back in time and spend some time with him.”
  • The comments on the videos make me sick. Normalfags act like they could "cure" him in just five minutes of consolation, or act like he's so bizarre and unworldly when he's very clearly fucking explaining every detail in clear terms. Normalfags have an utter lack of actual understanding of the human condition, despite the fact they spend their lives surrounded by thousands of friends and family. They are completely unable to empathize with someone that isn't working 40-60 hours a week and loving it, they cannot imagine that a human being can exist and not be completely obsessed with vagina and the pursuit thereof. I hate this world and the people in it. Ricardo was the one person who could have understood me, and he's long dead; and so, I must confide in and seek security in Eerie.” More on Ricardo Lopez, he identifies with him perfectly (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I was showering today and thinking about Eerie and I had this great idea for a minor antagonist in my book. Myself. Heh. I'm going to write in a pathological stalker character that spies on Eerie from page 1, archives all information about him, his opinions, his feats of heroism. And he'll get the bright idea to get Eerie to notice him by getting himself into some peril on purpose, like throwing himself off of a cliff and yelling for Eerie to save him, as he had saved so many people before him. He'll have to talk himself into it, because revealing yourself to Eerie takes a lot of guts; he's a God and you're just an ugly man, you know? But Eerie will be too caught up with Violet to notice, and he'll land on his legs and break everything and be wheelchair-bound for life. After this catastrophe, he'll go into a mad rage, jealous of Violet, envious of Eerie's success, his hero abandoned him, what hope is there for the world, why live? Fuck everything. He'll kidnap Violet and lure Eerie to his evil lair where he reveals statues made in Eerie's likeness sculpted by hand, a casket where they were to be buried together, disturbing psychotic imagery like that, and he'll go on some monologue and blow the building up. Or something. I'll work out the kinks.” ????? Schizo plot writing himself into the role of a stalker a lá Ricardo Lopez, then having extreme drama happen between his own OC (Violet) and Eerie, etc.??? (01-13-18 The Daily) *good opportunity to photoshop the Phantom of the Opera mask onto that pic of Nathan wearing that yellow mask lol*
  • “I'm sick as fuck with the flu. I have been for like three weeks now. It's nice to imagine Eerie really worried about me and scramble around aimlessly trying his best to nurse me back to health. He wouldn't know what to do, he never does any woman's work! His soup would taste like shit, but it'd still make me the happiest lover in the world anyway just for the gesture. Actually, maybe he wouldn't want to come near me. He's pretty obsessive about cleanliness and his health.” On Eerie fussing over him being sick; lol at “women’s work;” curious that Eerie is so obsessed with cleanliness while Nathan himself is so sloppy and messy, and also does not care about his hygiene to the point that he did not brush his teeth for 2+ years (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I had one of my greatest fantasies about Eerie ever this morning. In it, we were on a roadtrip together; I drove while Eerie lounged in the back, quite bored. I tried playing driving related games with him but he just groaned. It was snowing very heavily and soon it was dangerous to be on the road so we stopped at a motel off the highway and went to sleep, spooning with each other for warmth. Eerie is always the big spoon. Sometimes, I lie on top of him because merely spooning isn't close enough. Gravity brings us closer. I wish I could embrace every inch of his body all at once. This is the closest to that that I can get. Anyway, when we woke up, it had snowed so much that it blocked the view out the window, and it would take 20 men to force the door open. We were trapped in there for days. Which was completely fine with us. I am never bored when I'm around Eerie, and I really enjoy hotel's aesthetic and being in a new setting for a while. And Eerie's fine with anything so long as someone's paying attention to him, plus he's got the TV if he's ever tired of my pampering. We ran out of food and started getting hungry. Luckily, Eerie happens to have more than the strength of 20 men and he easily pushed the snow out of the way, and was back in minutes with a deer over his shoulder. I drank the blood and he ate every bite.” Road trip and hunting/killing spree fantasy with Eerie (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I've had some fantasies about Eerie I'm not proud of and I wish I could take them back. I wish I could remove the homosexual part of my brain. But then I wouldn't love Eerie...” on struggling with his homosexuality and sexual feelings toward Eerie (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Last night, I spoke with Eerie. I pressed my body against his and I encouraged him to hold me as tight as possible and I whispered into his ear how much I love him and how much I need him and I promised him I'd never leave him alone and made him promise me, too. He started crying. I can't remember what it was I said that made him cry... I was very tired. I think it was reminding him of loneliness. It made him lose it. He got real embarrassed that he was crying in front of me and he attempted to run off downstairs, but I grabbed his forearm and stopped him just in time. I knelt down and I held his face in both hands... and he tried pulling away and covering his teary face. And I kissed him, long and hard. And I told him there was absolutely nothing he could do to lower my opinion of him. My love is perfectly unconditional. He was still shaken pretty bad so I decided to try to lighten the mood a little. I was still stroking his face with my hands. I chuckled and smiled big and I reminded him some of the manliest men in the world cried openly! Like Kenshiro. And he'll be in their leagues one day. And that calmed him down good and we went back to bed together and he clasped me in his arms so hard it hurt.” More on his tulpa fabrications (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I saw in a tulpa thread someone had suggested stroking your tulpa often. It said it is healthy bonding for both you and it, and textural fantasies do a lot more to bring the fantasy to life than mere visuals. Yet again, something so bloody obvious completely alludes me. I seriously think I have an 80 IQ.” Lol???? (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “This picture of her posing beside the mascot suit of Eerie was so repulsive to me that I dry heaved and tears welted up. It's so hypocritical, to pose so casually and all smiles next to something she destroyed and exploited. Why couldn't she have been more kind to Eerie? Why? She used every character as her profile picture except for Eerie. As if I need any more confirmation that she hated him and neglected him. Seeing her soulless face and remembering all of the terrible things about Eerie was traumatic. I thought back to the time I drank a whole 24 pack of beer in under two hours after seeing the Halloween special episode where he was murdered–by Juhyun's hand. I didn't know it was physically possible to drink so much that fast. It made it all the more clear to me how passionless and utterly lacking in artistic vision this franchise is. How Eerie's merely a puppet to get money from children. No one cares about him but me. No one in the whole world.” NO ONE ELSE LOVES HIM BUT ME, very violent about the producer posing next to her creation lmao (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “my life is so shit I need to constantly be stimulated to forget about how shit it is. If I look away from the monitor for more than five minutes and fail to think of Eerie, my security blanket, in that time, reality hits hard. Sometimes it hits even when I'm using escapism, like now. Everyone in fiction is really interesting and has arcs. Interactions are simple and easy for an autist to understand. No one has any secrets, it's all laid out plainly. I don't like real people. Life is shit.” Bemoaning how pathetic his life is and acknowledging that he has to expend a lot of energy to cope (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I stayed in bed 16 hours today relaxing and drifting in and out of sleep. I move around in bed a lot, and it twists my clothes up and makes them very tight, so I threw off my clothes and imagined Violet did the same. Sleeping naked with Eerie is amazing. It's not a sexual thing, I'm never sexual with him, he doesn't even care anyway since him and all his animal friends are naked all the time, but for a human being to be comfortably nude around someone takes a lot of trust, it makes me feel very close to him. Ah, I remember I wrote about this already a long time ago before I purged my board. I haven't done it in so long it felt new again, though. I got to feel his fur all over me. I have body issues in real life and I've never felt comfortable like this around anyone before. It's true escapism, it's liberating.
  • When I woke up this morning, Eerie was already awake, watching me sleep. He yawned, smiled, and asked "What's your favorite thing about me?" I stretched and looked at him for a few seconds humming and the first thing that came to mind was "Your voice." He was satisfied with that answer and grinned hard. Hmmm, my answer surprised even myself, though. I normally say it's his mane, but he caught me off- guard. Perhaps a Freudian slip.” Good thing he refuses to get a job so that he can stay in bed most of the day to imagine his cope! (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I don't spend enough time with Eerie, I don't do anything productive, I just play video games all fucking day. I could drop dead tomorrow out of nowhere, and have never even finished one single page of my magnum opus.” On how he is ultimate NEET and can’t even finish one page of his book about Eerie (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Sometimes, I worry a bit that I'm overdoing things. I'm scared I'll burn myself out. Nearly every waifuist I've met has moved on or made their waifus a second, third, even last priority after other things interested them more or required their time. And this process of abandoning them is expedited if they spend "too much time with them" early on. Is what I'm doing too much? I don't know... Even though I basically only spend time with Eerie when I'm writing or about to fall asleep, it still feels like I'm with him all day long. He's an integral part of my subconscious now. Even when I'm not thinking about him, I'm thinking with him, if that makes sense. About whether he'd approve of what I'm doing at the moment as I'm going about my day, mostly.” Worrying that he will “burn himself out” on expending so much energy on maintaining his fantasy (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I've felt so good today, I'm cleaning and eating right and exercising for the first time in a while. Everything I do, I do for Eerie. I hope my book will make him proud.” More on his book and how he only takes care of himself for his tulpa
  • “My throat is really sore. It's been so long since I talked to someone with my voice that it was hard on my body to hang out like that.” Goes so long without talking to real people that it hurts his throat to use his voice again (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I wish I had someone to talk to consistently. I'll need to train myself better on Eerie's conversational patterns, both so I can have someone to talk to and so I'm equipped to write my book. As it is, coming up with dialogue with him is still kinda unnatural to me, it's very manual. It's because he doesn't talk in the show and I have to come up with it myself with no frame of reference.” On how hard it is to imagine what Eerie would speak like, and also more on how little he actually talks to other human beings (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Ahh, it's going to be great, Eerie would really love the place! A room full of testosterone and manly competition, and most of all, talent and honor.” On Eerie being the manly man he subconsciously wishes he could be (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Every time I see this damn olympic stuff, it just reminds me of the Telemonster episode where Eerie stole an olympic medal and was emasculated and struck in the groin at the end. It makes me sick and I hope it's over soon.” More on the pain it causes him when Eerie is not completely manly man (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I just finished watching a film titled "One Hour Photo". I think the entire film was inspired by Gendo Ikari's quote in NGE about how photographs of his deceased wife are unnecessary to him because she taught him the meaning of irreplaceable things and so he has no use for them. He has ingrained their time together in his memory. But what if a man has no good memories to replace the photographs? That is my take from this film. The film stars Robin Williams as a man who has no family, no friends, and whose only passion is his minimum wage job as a film processor at a grocery store. And it's at this job that he encounters his ideal family. A family so pure and perfect to him, that he wants so badly, that he spends his entire life fantasizing about being their uncle. Each time they had their photos developed at his department, he would print an extra set for himself to take home. And he'd stare at them, mesmerized, coming up with theories about what happened around the events of the photo, and self-inserting himself into the photos. He wasn't a dirty man, he never had any dirty thoughts, he just wanted to be loved. Any time they came into the store, it was like he was in the presence of Gods. He had to try very hard to contain his excitement. Their happiness made him happy. And this perception of perfection he has of them is destroyed when he finds out that the man of the household is an adulterer and he loses his mind over it. It was all he had and it was ruined for him. It was like watching a biography about myself just with some details switched around...too existential” On realizing that he has no meaningful memories or existence as it is also wasted on imagining his tulpa (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I was reminded of my first viewing of episode 33 of Telemonster that forced me to see Eerie as a malicious cheater. It tore me up inside for weeks. I had thought of him as a little blue Superman and now here he was acting like such an irredeemable piece of shit. I came close to dumping him, to killing myself maybe. I know he's acted like shit lots of other times but that was the first that was bad enough I couldn't ignore it.” On coping with a contradiction to his vision of Eerie (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I took a really long shower today because my mom's out of town and so isn't around to yell at me to get out. I imagined showering with Eerie, scrubbing his mane with conditioner to make it gleam and feel like silk... I kissed him on the lips under the hot water, and put soap suds on his nose jokingly. And then we got out and I brushed his mane thoroughly. He was a little embarrassed. Something I noticed, and I'm sure any readers have noticed too, is that I'm always the one doing all of the touching and Eerie rarely touches me. And this is something I want to work on. There's a couple reasons for this, the first of which is I just don't know how Eerie would behave in a romantic situation, I have no reference for this. And I always feel uncomfortable deciding for him what his body language and speech would be like. I understand him better than anyone, yes, but there's some things even I'm still unsure of and his approach to love is one of them. Another is I'm naturally a dominant figure in a relationship, and it's difficult to break this habit. Eerie must always be the dominant one in all realms of life.” Shower fantasy with Eerie, how masculine and manly man Eerie is, and lol at his mom having to tell him to get out of the shower all the time (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I took a really long shower, and naturally I imagined Eerie was right there in the shower with me and we soaped each other down again. Actually, right there in the shower with me is inaccurate. I imagined I was in his. My mind fabricated it. He doesn't have a shower canonically. And I started thinking hard about that and it bothered me real bad. He doesn't have a kitchen, he doesn't have a bathroom, and presumably, he doesn't have running water. The conclusion I came to here is it seems I've got to design a new place for him and his friends to live myself. One that actually has love and effort put into it, unlike the shitty producers.” More on his long showers, having to fabricate more about Eerie, and “I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ENOUGH ABOUT EERIE” (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I had a dream the other day that this guy on discord was trying to convince me to go to a nightclub to meet a real woman and dump Eerie. You just need the touch of a real woman, bruh.” Lol even subconsciously he recognizes that what he is doing with his tulpa thing is unhealthy, also inherent disdain for traditional heterosexual romance with wamen (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “You’re better than the taste of a fine aged rice wine,
  • The head rush of a chug of moonshine,
  • You’ll Always be mine, boy, You’ll Always be mine.
  • The only one I’d give my smokes to,
  • Take my heart, too,
  • It’s burning for you, baby.
  • Time when I’m with you flies by like a crippling kidney kick,
  • All these girly emotions are making me sick,
  • I want to know all the things that makes you tick.
  • If I could, I’d go inside my head,
  • And punch that insecurity bastard dead,
  • So I could reveal my true self to you.
  • You’ve got me blown away like dynamite, toots.
  • I’d split my steak in half and trade you the other half just to hear you say you love me back.” Poem he wrote to Eerie, from perspective of himself as Dada or something, even he does not know lol (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I self-inserted as Dada, sitting under a tarp connected to the train car, stretched over and planted into the ground a few meters away to act as an awning and provide shade while outside. It was like I was really there. Yellowed grass beneath my paws, folding table to my side where I had a jug of moonshine, and the rust colored train car behind me, reeking of metal and radiating heat from the sun beating on it before the tarp was brought out. And in front of me sat Violet, resting on her knees with her dress tucked beneath them, smiling peacefully planted next to Eerie, who was playing with toy cars he had found someplace. Of course, he's too old for toys, but he didn't have any growing up as a kid and this was new to him, we all knew that, so no one said anything. Violet would have liked to play with him, or more likely simply hold his hand and kiss, but respectfully restrained. She was a good woman for him and let him have his fun. I called her over to me and she sat on one of the folding chairs. I gestured to the moonshine, and she giggled and said no, she's too young, outright. She kept looking at it, though, I could tell she was very interested, and so I reminded her that people in Asia give alcohol to toddlers, even. And so she helped herself. Meanwhile, Taemoo woke up and clumsily climbed out of his train car room, looked around sleepily, caught eye of Eerie's new toys and instantly ran over to him, jealous and whining. Eerie's grown to love Taemoo and let him play with him. Alma was collecting flowers not far from the train village and presented them all to Eerie and Taemoo. Eerie was repulsed and moved a few inches away, while Taemoo blushed and didn't know what to say, completely forgetting about the cars. It was a great start! I can do this! And make them progressively more complex every time.” More on self-inserting as Dada Shu and imagining his harem of OCs (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Okay, so here's the gang, minus a Dada who prefers isolation, inside the entertainment train car
  • watching a film together. Inside of this is pretty bare, just the TV, a love seat where Violet and Eerie are sat together, and lots of blankets and pillows tossed about the floor where Alma and Taemoo sit. It's pretty cramped.Eerie and Violet aren't even paying attention to the movie. They're kissing wildly and groping each other, causing quite a disturbance.
  • Alma is stricken by jealousy and growing angrier by the second. She has a crush on Eerie and wishes Violet would simply disappear! Eventually, she runs off, unable to bear anymore, and slams the sliding metal door to her train car shut. She was otherwise pretty silent about her running off, however. Alma is prone to toddler-like temper tantrums like this, a near daily exercise for her, but she isn't proud of it and keeps it to herself. Only a keen eye would even notice she's upset, such as Taemoo. Taemoo twiddles his thumbs for about 10 minutes debating if he should approach her. He's been in love with Alma since they met, but never said anything. He decides it's best if he doesn't go alone, feeling a lack of confidence, so he taps big bro Eerie on the shoulder, who shoos him away with his hand, still in the middle of a kiss. Taemoo exits the entertainment car alone, annoyed and sighing. Dada is just outside the sliding metal door, carving a wooden statue with a pocket knife. He looks up and gives a thumbs up to Taemoo, saying some samurai babble about being true to your heart for the emperor or whatever. Basically he knows all about Taemoo's affection for Alma, and all about Alma's jealousy and loneliness, too. Taemoo gulps and opens up the door to Alma's car, who's crying, kneeling on her mattress. It's too late to turn back now...! Taemoo confidently stomps forward, sits criss cross next to her, and cups her hand into his. Her sobbing stops instantly and she looks at Taemoo in shock. It's like it's the first time she's ever laid eyes on him! She had been so blinded by Eerie that she never even noticed there was another stud, a single one and her age at that, living there this whole time! Her loneliness was cured in an instant. They sit together in silence and blushing with their hands locked for hours. Of course they'd like to kiss or talk, but little kids are awkward like that, you know? Especially ones growing up in an Asian culture. It was troublesome fantasizing about this. I felt guilty for portraying Eerie as a jackass here, but he is! That's what he'd do! But it still felt wrong for some reason, I only feel comfortable writing him as a good guy. I felt I had written Violet out of character as well, I never pictured her being the type of woman who would openly kiss in front of anyone, not even family. But I asked for my Polish friend's help in that and he said, if she loves Eerie so much, why not let him kiss her whenever he feels like it? He's right, that's what a good woman does. As for Eerie, he wouldn't give a fuck if he were acting disgusting in front of God himself, of course. I also originally had her get into a big heated argument with Eerie over his treatment of Taemoo. It was only natural. I love Taemoo, too, and I was self-inserting as Violet at this point and I couldn't stand that Eerie was so rude to him. But that was me talking, not Violet. Violet would give a fake smile with her hands in her lap whenever Eerie treated someone like shit. She would never question him. If Eerie's to become an empathetic humanitarian, he must be taught through experiences and given life lessons by warriors, not women. Once Alma and Taemoo get closer and more comfortable together, I'm going to have Alma sniff his hair a lot, haha. I would like to do that myself....” more fantasizing about his OC orgies (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “Whenever I've gone a few consecutive hours without thinking about Eerie, I instinctively self-insert as Violet and imagine that I'm returning home after a long day of work scavenging outside. Eerie's good hearing lets him know I'm on my way back before I can open the door, so he's able to prepare for my arrival by doing some dumb thing to impress me, like get under a bench press and loudly count his reps starting from the triple digits, or grab an unsuspecting Taemoo and pin him down and do the countdown just as I open the door, things of that nature. Alternatively, he'll set himself in a ridiculously dramatic "cool" pose. Of course, the reality of it is, he was just lying in bed bored shitless before he heard me. After I've announced I'm home and he's through showing off, he guilt trips me about being gone for so long and asks what I've been doing. I feel terrible.” More fantasizing, guilty (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “There's a catholic church that's accepting monks, ones that don't even have a prior history with the church, no credentials required. I'd never have to work a day in my life and have no responsibilities. I've often thought about moving to such places and pretending to be religious, and when "praying" in actuality be fantasizing about Eerie. No one can read my thoughts, so I would never be caught. That's my dream life. No inconveniences or distractions, simply Eerie all day. I love him!” Sus Catholic priest (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “I read shortly after writing my post that the monks have to pick mushrooms eight hours a day. That still wouldn't be so bad, considering the alternative.” ???? lmao
  • “I'm thinking a lot about my future lately. I have a few options available, including this church now, and I always look around for more. One is simply to do absolutely nothing till the day I die here in the US, living off of inheritance I'm getting once my mother passes. But America is a giant shithole and I don't really want to stay here. So I heard about Tasmania, which has a dwindling population so they're very desperate for immigrants to work there and will take anyone. They help you get a new life started tailored to your exact liking as much as they can afford. I'd like to be a farmhand there. I'd like to be a farmhand anywhere but the only people that work at farms in a lot of countries are intimidating shitskins that don't speak any English and would be hard to work with. They also are often illegal and work for below minimum wage, so it would be difficult to be hired in the first place since I'd expect actual worker's rights.
  • But in Tasmania, everyone is white. It would be amazing. I would get physically fit naturally by performing my assignments, it would be the perfect environment to meditate with the wide open spaces, solitude and zero threat of crime so I would feel at peace, and best of all, I could work with cows. I don't know what it is about cows. I love them so fucking much ever since I made Taemoo. Cows are very therapeutic to me, I get happy just by thinking of them. Can't say the same about dogs by any means, as much as I love Eerie, he's 2D and real dogs are insufferable.
  • I would be truly fulfilled and die the happiest man in the world if I could become a farmhand in such a place. I think humans were made for farming, it's in our blood, it makes us happy. It's so masculine, I would be a real Dada Shu. Maybe Eerie would even accept me and like me then.” Thought he was acquiring enough sense to plan for his future? Lol noob. Included are random tangents about cows, Taemoo, and wishing he could be as masculine as Dada Shu character so Eerie would “accept and like” him??? (01-13-18 The Daily)
  • “What an idiot I am, thinking that writing here on my board will improve the quality of my writing or whatever. Look at this worthless pile of shit I've created. Boring, artless, 1st person perspective writings with no finesse or impressive vocabulary–elementary, really.
  • For what do I do this for?
  • Because I am lonely.
  • But what sort of people has it connected me with? About five normalfags who gave me shitty predictable advice, all subtly wrapped methods of saying "get rid of Eerie", and a few others who have abandoned me due to my singular interests.
  • There are lurkers, but what good are they if they say nothing to me! Fuck you!
  • "But maybe others will come and befriend me," no! This site is going nowhere but downwards, losing users every day and gaining none! I have been around two long years! Anyone who gives the slightest fuck has seen plenty of me! There is no such thing as new faces here! Why else? To prove I'm better than everyone else! Prove to who? To myself? Am I so insecure I need a board to tell me I'm superior to other waifuists and furries? Just last night, I saw many people had stolen my idea and made 8chan boards named after their waifus. All of the boards are long abandoned and dead! Ha! And they didn't write EVEN FUCKING 1% AS MUCH AS I DID, they wrote nothing at all in most cases, just picture dumps! The fools. I'm better than them, I give a fuck, I put in the hours with Eerie” [THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR], “they do nothing but download some pictures off pixiv, and they have the nerve to laugh at me and ban me from their communities. I am the waifuist. I should own all their ban happy shitholes, let alone post in them. What a fucking bump to my ego that was to see their pathetic little copycat boards. One even had a custom CSS, how pretty, but it's meaningless if you post on it once every two months and have nothing compelling to say about her whatsoever.
  • I'm reminded of a thread on tohno-chan asking "What waifuists do you admire?" What a fucking joke. Admire? I don't know anything about any of them, they don't fucking talk. For all I know, they aren't in a relationship. Even the owner of the site himself, who named the site after his supposed waifu, posts nothing about her. I'm supposed to admire them based on what? The duration of which they've pretended to be in a relationship? Congratulations on your shallow piece of shit you can't even write one sentence about. On how aesthetically pleasing their waifu is? Of course, no one mentioned me. I am a ghost. I can suck my own cock just fine without making it public though, thank you very much. I don't need this board. Why am I here? I have left several times. All for legitimate reasons. What keeps me coming back? I need somewhere. I'm banned everywhere else, yes. Ricardo Lopez talks to himself in a mirror, it's cathartic for him. I'm not good at speaking verbally though, so perhaps this is my mirror. I do have my Polish friend, sure. But he doesn't want to hear about this Eerie shit all day. I wish he did. I wish someone did I wouldn't be completely one-sided about it. Not at all. I would like to hear about someone else's waifu, too. But no one puts in the hours like I do. Or they're secretive pent up faggots who have nothing to say on any subject. So many submissive, untalkative ... I already covered this. I'm schizoid personality disorder, that is what I am. I've been reading all about it. I've been told by many people they don't think I have autism, this is why. Schizoids are often deeply curious about others. I want to know everything about an interesting person right away, and instead I get the circular fucking small talk for eight months solid before unlocking just a single one of their boring secrets not worth keeping in the first place. Why hide so much on the internet? Why be so fucking boring? That's why waifu communities are so disturbing to me. They don't give me enough information to quench my schizoid curiosity. And I assume the worst, that they're just hollow husks, because I have no reason to believe otherwise. And I feel greatly superior. I don't have the patience anymore, I don't give a fuck anymore about waiting this long to have people grow comfortable with me! Enormous time investment with so little pay off. My life is all right here. Right on this board, this is me. No one has to wait for shit. Why can't others be this convenient? They can keep their boring secrets and suck my dick. Secrets, ha. In this liberal climate? In this infinite vacuum of the internet, where nothing you say has a real life impact? It's like paying to get into a strip club and then averting your eyes from the women. It is not a fucking place for dignity. Fucking idiots. I will keep this board after all, and I will double down. I will make my fantasies even more descriptive, my OC biographies even longer. I will make a thread detailing my exact perspective of Eerie and how my version differs from the one in the show, if at all. Hopefully not much. I'll never post about shitty fucking food ever again, just to separate myself from the idiots who think taking a goddamn picture of food once in a while constitutes a relationship. The food itself is half the goddamn experience. How did they like the food? What did they talk about while they ate the food? This is relevant and necessary information that I will provide from now on, and no one else will, because their relationship is phony. Why? Because the more I think about it, the more I fucking hate everyone, and I want to be my ideal man. I am my own role-model. I'll be the poster that I want to see in waifu threads. I don't fucking know! I am a contradiction. There is no correct way to handle this that will make me feel good. I hate having this board, and I hate not having it. How else will I leave my mark on the world? My book is going very badly. I thought it was good, but the high of actually finishing a chapter wore off and I saw then just how shit it truly was. Maybe it's too big of a feat for an idiot like me to ever finish a book. What a waste of a life it would be if my magnum opus must go unreleased. I'll have left nothing to show future generations that Eerie and I existed and shared this strong bond. I need at least this board, don't I? I don't know. I am alive. I exist, here in late March of 2018. I do stuff with Eerie, a fictional blue werewolf, my only real friend. I play catch with him and we arm wrestle in my imagination; he always wins. He's so small, that when I hug him, I can reach my hands all the way around to his stomach. He's so lightweight, we can ride a bicycle built for two together and I can easily pedal alone for the both of us uphill. His face is so adorable, child-like, innocent, it moves me to tears. And yet, he's so strong and durable, he can kill Gods. This juxtaposition of manly and cute, two antonyms that don't belong in a same sentence, made me fall for him utterly. I need him like oxygen or food. I feel sorry for people who can't see his amazing attributes, so obvious to me. In a world with perfect people, Eerie would be a religion, and it would be bigger than Christianity. But for now, it is a church of one, here in late March of 2018.” HUGE schizo ramble, desperate not to shatter the illusion

Surely he must have a collection of piss bottles hidden somewhere in that mess?
He has referenced those when talking about the hoard, let me try to dig up the screencap

He mentioned them in one video but I wasn't sure if he was serious.
yeah also in the video, probably was just shitposting but seeing as how bad about hygiene he has proved to be, I wouldn't be surprised...

Some of my fav posts from his boards lol

His "lovequest" for a friend (

His deviantfart (
His myanimelist, 1 lonely review lol (

A thread on some other forum about him, feat. the cow himself


another autistic avenue in which he whines about missing Eerie and other autistic shit ( )

he also loves cows so fucking much that he made a board for them


"i have strong sexual feelings to small, cute characters like that"




lust for manliness




archives loading, will add more
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Adding some more of my favs from the "writings" folder of the google drive and other places

This is his self-insert, Violet, btw


gay except for catgirls

Incestuous father-son relationship?

imagine not getting your gay animu waifu something that ISN'T cheap plastic lol





Trying not to wake up from the illusion...


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clean it up sea jerker
Fat vegans will never not be funny.

Nathan is a hardcore vegan. If you talk about killing or eating cows in his Discord server, he will ban you without hesitation. In January, Nathan discovered that one of his longtime friends, a furry artist who would "draw ten cows a day," ate beef. Naturally, Nathan's reaction to this was just what you'd expect from a 24 year old man: he recorded himself getting drunk and crying like a bitch, then uploaded the 40 minutes of footage to YouTube ( copy). If you want to failtroll Nathan, just post a picture of beef in his Discord server and he'll ban you without reacting. You won't get him to make another drunken sobbing video unless he considers you a close, trusted friend.
Since he self-admitedly browses stuff about himself on the web, let's "failtroll" him here for good measure.

And since he's a coomer:

bruh if you have to quit a medication to be able to imagine your waifu...


I'm curious about his brother--now is a good time to remind everyone in thread to always wear seatbelts, btw

JO crystal lel, which is his “stand in” for a wedding ring with Eerie





In case anyone needs ideas for a new profile picture-

What was your therapist like? Besides being "small-brain"
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titstamped for his "homemade card" (he made his mother write some of it out for him) and shiet to Eerie for Vday, featuring several of his OCs (father of Eerie, a stereotypical old Japanese man; Eerie's little brother, etc.)

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