Halal David Andrew Jamison Jr. / Drain Todger / Train Dodger / *THASF* / The Halo and Sonic Fan / Reveille / GNO-SYS / Spartan043 / b00msl4ng / Allan X - Smug Autist, Tried to Solve COVID-19 by Tarding Out on Google, Erotic Brony Fanfiction Author, Still Living With His Parents at Age 30, Self-Doxing Halal Speedrunner, Crashed His Tardmobile Into the Clown Library



International House of Proboscis

"I don't want to fuck the pony. I want to be the pony." — @Drain Todger

David Andrew Jamison Jr. (@Drain Todger on Kiwi Farms) is a galaxy brain autist who sperged out about COVID-19 so hard that he doxed himself less than a month after joining Kiwi Farms. Unfortunately for David, this blunder led us to discover that he's also a...
  • Brony who jerks off to cartoon ponies.
  • Godawful fanfiction author whose works include a grimdark My Little Pony fanfic with explicit sexual content.
  • Sissification fetishist.
  • Obvious male who looks/dresses/acts like a man, but sometimes claims he's a tranny for some goddamn reason.
  • Son of a schizophrenic Jehovah's Witness who once stole his car because she was convinced that his father had demonically possessed Ray-Bans.
  • 30-year-old who still lives with his parents. Not out of financial necessity, mind you, but because he lets his dad guilt-trip him into staying.
  • Notorious sped who's been making a spectacle of himself in various online communities for nearly two decades.
Basically he's the exact type of exceptional individual we love to laugh at on sites like these, a classic autismo lolcow who showed up to Kiwi Farms and metaphorically pantsed himself. But don't take my word for it — check out these reviews!

"I rather get corona than read that wall of shit." — @Daddy's Little Kitten
"I never knew a man could :alog: a virus." — @Spooky Bones
"Dude can you fucking stop? You're going to be the next Ashley Lynne Coulter." — @jellycar
"Lol you need to get a hooker nigga"@mr.moon1488
"Just fuck up my sides" — @Bat Soup Reviews
"I think I saw you standing at a bus station screaming at a garbage can once." — @Ruin

David is such a prodigious sped that a single Xenforo post literally can't contain all his autism, so I've divided this OP into a three course meal:
  • Part 1: The Self-Dox Seppuku Saga — This section covers the COVID-19 chimpout that brought David to our collective attention.
  • Part 2: Portrait of a Smug Autist — This section attempts to characterize the personal flaws and patterns of autistic behavior that make David a lolcow.
  • Part 3: The Clown Library — This section is a guided tour through David's embarrassing Internet history, from him sperging on Halo fan forums at age 11 to him writing 4000+ word sex scenes about how it feels to be dominated and cumflated by a big fat horse cock at age 30.
But first, an appetizer so everyone doesn't immediately skip to Part 3 to laugh at David's degenerate horse lust:

Speditor's Note​

This thread was initially written as an approved halal for Kiwi Farms, so adapting it for lolcow.org has led to a few oddities. Most people shouldn't give a shit, but I know some sperg will ask if I don't explain it, so here's what's different:
  • Since I can't make Xenforo quote boxes with the little arrow that takes you to the original post on Kiwi Farms, I've instead included links to the original and archived versions of the post at the top of each quote box.
  • All file attachments within the quoted posts have been reuploaded to lolcow.org and reinserted in the appropriate locations. Some of them needed to be altered to make them work here, but all the original content is still there.
  • All @ mentions have been left unaltered, so most of them won't link to anything unless there's an account here by the same name. The sole exception is the credits section which links back to each user's profile page on Kiwi Farms.
But enough of that tedious autism, let's get to the funny autism!

Part 1: The Self-Dox Seppuku Saga​


"I kinda expected to be halaled eventually. Surprised I never had been, before. I am kind of a jackass on the internet." — @Drain Todger

Our story begins on March 1, 2020 when the gods of autism told David to spread the bad news of Corona-chan to the unwashed heathens of Kiwi Farms, prompting him to deliver his first sermon. This post was initially pretty well-received, presumably because it was so fucking long that hardly anybody actually read the whole thing.

On March 23, David posted a link to his aspergic treatise in the COVID-19 Megathread:
Drain Todger said:
I’ve updated my COVID-19 file with a bunch more information, with info on PPE and a Glossary:


This is getting a little scary, folks.

The nose cells controlling smell are nerves. The virus has been found in people’s cerebrospinal fluid. If people are saying it’s not neurological at this point, they’re being disingenuous. :cryblood:
Three days later, David created the "Wuhan Coronavirus - COVID-19 Analysis & Summary" thread to shine a spotlight on his autism. This thread would soon become ground zero of David's tardpocalypse. If you'd prefer to see it for yourself, then consider this your spoiler warning. Before you go, here are some tips to survive your trip to the Chernobyl of autism:
  • The bulk of the drama occurs within the first ~20 pages. After that it largely settles into a pattern of David tarding out about various topics and people telling him to lick his doorknobs. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the thread is still funny, but the main narrative of David's self-dox wraps up long before the end of the thread.
  • Read a few of David's posts just to get a sense of what he's like, then skip all the rest of them. Trust me, I've read more of his shit than any sane person should, you'll save yourself a lot of soul-crushing tedium if you just scroll past most of his posts. All the best shit got quoted in people's replies anyway.
And here are archive links for all 82 pages of that thread as it currently stands:
Now back to the guided tour of the tardpocalypse. A day after David created his thread, @ADHD noticed that the document he had linked included his name in the author section, then connected it to a doctor with the same name:
ADHD said:
@Drain Todger the Microsoft Word document with this information that you linked a couple times in the megathread has the name David Jamison in the author section of the details tab. Are you this David Jamison? If you have actual credentials, you may as well get verified.

EDIT: I was right about the name, wrong about the LinkedIn profile.
David was stupid kind enough to confirm that he wasn't the doctor in question, but that his real name was indeed David Jamison:
Drain Todger said:
No, that's not me. As for who I am, I'm basically nobody.
ADHD said:
Well he claimed this work was "his" file.

Archive of result the tinyurl link.

So either he is David Jamison or he is trying to pass off David Jamison's work as his.

I don't care either way. My only point was if he wanted people to take him seriously and not as a doomposter, he might as well get verified.

EDIT: It's his work.
Drain Todger said:
My name is David Jamison. I am not that David Jamison, however. He has a doctorate. I do not.
Sensing that the real name of an undoxed retard had been posted to Kiwi Farms, @zedkissed60 sprung into action. He tracked down David's Facebook, his father's LinkedIn, and a number of other things he shared in the Kiwi Farms chat:
zedkissed60 said:
When David realized that Zed was rapidly triangulating his nutsack, he panicked and started deleting as many accounts as he could. He then joined us in chat and tried his best to act like a good sport:
DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_1_Halal.jpg DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_2_GrossChinese.jpg DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_3_Sanic.jpg
DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_4_Dyn1.jpg DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_5_Dyn2.png DavidAndrewJamisonJr_Chat_6_Dyn3.jpg
David returned to chat the next day to apologize for his spergout and announce that he needed to unplug from the Internet for a while:

Meanwhile, courageous first responders (@Yotsubaaa, @teriyakiburns, @ADHD et al.) were searching for survivors in the wreckage of David's DFE suicide bombing:
Yotsubaaa said:
teriyakiburns said:
I was just chasing it down. searched combos of his name and that tinyurl and got his da, full of ponyshit.



searched his name and "mlp" and got this




more shows up in the results, but he's gone either gone full DFE or he's renaming accounts

edit: Searched more based on a snippet of info from @zedkissed60, which explains some of the weird results I was getting in searches before

writes pony fanfic

it's edgy shit


another edit:

wuflu doomer thread
ADHD said:
Here's the google cached copy of his deleted Reddit posts.
teriyakiburns said:

as an aside, this site exists and now i want coronachan to kiss me off this planet
Yotsubaaa said:
Goddamn, I really shouldn't be spending so much time in this deep dive when I've got other things I need to be doing, but jesus @Drain Todger. You've seriously been a nonstop doomposter since like 2013?


(That whole thread by the way is our buddy @Drain Todger talking about how he's such a super-autist that he can't even sit at the same table with old people without getting triggered, and something about how he doesn't bathe for a week and then rubs his armpits on people.)


That link he put there goes to this post (also archived):


In the non-archive version, they've since removed his username:

On March 29th, less than 24 hours after he said he needed to unplug, David returned to the thread to gloat about destroying the evidence of his autism before we could find it:
Drain Todger said:
I'm mostly just impressed that I went 20 fucking years being this much of a sperg online and you guys not only never noticed for that entire time, you didn't harvest the delicious tard cum.
He was so sure of himself that he even included a list of all the shameful Internet history he'd allegedly purged:
Drain Todger said:
All this time, you missed out on:
  • A near-inhuman level of autism that shouldn't reasonably be able to exist in one person without causing a micro black hole.
  • Me whining for years and years that Anita Sarkeesian isn't a real critic and political correctness is bullshit.
  • Insert more sperging and clowning around here.
  • Thousands upon thousands of words of trolling political commentary where I went on a forum full of neoliberals and proceeded to push their buttons by suggesting that post-scarcity economies are possible and we should pursue them.
  • Anti-war stuff and tinfoil-hat theories about neocolonialism.
  • /mlp/-tier Ponyfaggotry.
  • Just generally being disgusting and perverse and whining that I can't post porn on SFW boards.
  • Getting so frustrated with moderation on all the XF nerd boards I went to, I actually created my own XF board with lawlessness as the main theme. Currently closed, sadly. I'm getting sick of paying for server fees and domain renewals on a dead site, to be quite honest.
Shortly thereafter he decided the list was a dumb idea and replaced it with this…
Drain Todger said:
However, this is completely irrelevant to the current situation. The fact that I thought COVID-19 was serious enough that someone like me was willing to wade into Kiwifarms, of all places, with information on the virus, knowing this forum's reputation very well, should concern you.
…but not before @Yotsubaaa captured the original, allowing him to call out David's edit:
Yotsubaaa said:
Aww, you edited this bit out just now! What, you don't want us to have your tl;dr of your various exploits over the years?
Undaunted, David continued his victory lap and underscored his boasts with an autistic train video:
Drain Todger said:
I DFEd harder than you know. You don't even know what you missed, because it's gone.

I edited it out not because I don't mind you knowing those things, but because I figured it was an unnecessary distraction from the virus. I would rather you all use your time and that sizable investigative skill digging into COVID-19 than digging into me, because, at the rate things are going, that would be a much better use of your time.
David's bravado not only failed to deter Kiwis from looking into him, it inspired them to dig even deeper. One thing they found was that while David was busy tarding out here, one of his coworkers was literally dying from COVID-19:
Token Weeaboo said:
They also found evidence that users of other forums had become aware of David's presence on Kiwi Farms:
Kaede Did Nothing Wrong said:
1210282_Screen Shot 2020-03-31 at 5.33.38 PM.png

den of vipers 🐍🐍🐍 makes this place sound way cooler than it is
1210355_Screen Shot 2020-03-31 at 6.06.26 PM.png

you sound like you're cluster b and an emerging tragedy on the news is a perfect chance to flex your persecution complex around people who can't fucking stand you.
David was predictably unamused by this development:
Drain Todger said:
They all know. I had multiple people contact me all like “Why are you posting on Kiwifarms?” without any prompting at all.

Just, out of the blue, like they stalked me all the way here. I didn’t tell anyone. They all figured it out on their own.

Isn’t that kinda fucking weird? I mean, I don’t dig into their posting habits on other sites.

Imagine how catty these people are. “OMG *THASF* is posting on Kiwifarms, we must scold *THASF* now!”

Jesus. Get a life.
David doubled down on his attempts to get us to stop by pretending he was unfazed, then dropping one of the most autistic insults in recorded history:
Drain Todger said:
Oh no, this is much better.

1. The drama keeps the thread bumped and the info on the virus clearly visible.
2. I don't actually give a fuck about being doxxed. Imagine being afraid of a pair of calipers.


A pair of fucking calipers.
Again, the Kiwis simply weren't buying it and continued to harvest David's sped nectar:
Desu Mountain said:
Seems the people on that porn site he visits discovered this thread and he turned into a lolcow there too.
You need to create an account to view the thread, but I took a screencap of the first page.
Desu Mountain said:
Token Weeaboo said:
Speaking of other forums;

Looks like someone finally took noticed over at The Sietch that @Drain Todger posts all gone MIA.


He changed his name? Well, damn. I'll NEVER be able to find it.


Oh shoot.

Well at least they're owning us libtards with his presence.

This general introduction thread on The Seitch points out this is our true Train Dodger / THASF. They even talk about his XenForo forum The Digital Wild West (a)

So how many XenForo2 Forums are we at now? Questionable Questing, Space Battles (banned), The Sietch, Sufficent Velocity (Banned and bleached from the website), Frozen In Carbonite.

Am I missing any or am I about to be lied to?
Desu Mountain said:
Banned lol
Chad mod calls tranny an it.

David then tripled down about how unrustled his jimmies were by the fact that the members of one of his old hangouts (Questionable Questing) were shitting on him:
Drain Todger said:
Pfft, I was done with QQ, anyway. I already deleted everything from there and had no intention of coming back, but various people felt the need to talk shit about me and actually, no shit, accuse me of murder for that couple in Arizona who ate fish tank cleaner not approved for human consumption, even though my document contains absolutely no suggestions to self-dose antivirals and merely makes note of various treatments that are being investigated.

I did not lie. I was entirely willing to drop it. Those people made the first move by coming after me. As usual, I was punished for defending myself, while everyone else got off with a slap on the wrist. If I was smart, I would have simply reported the thread and moved on.
In hindsight, the last paragraph of David's post about Questionable Questing seems oddly prophetic given what happened on Kiwi Farms just one minute after his post:
Drain Todger said:
I am not smart. I engaged them, because of the narcissistic supply that this would provide me as I crashed and burned and went down in flames like a drag-queen Icarus getting too close to the sun.
Indeed, David was not smart. Not only had he engaged Kiwi Farms, he had tried to flex on the forum's users in a pitiful attempt to reinflate his ego after the embarrassment that followed Zed's initial dox. This would prove to be a costly flex, as David's refusal to simply take the :l: and move on is ultimately what motivated me to post a follow-up dox containing every last bit of his autism that I could find:
Spedestrian said:
Nobody likes a smug autist, David. Let me show you a few things we didn't miss.
I've clipped the quote because the contents of that post became the basis for an entire section of this thread (Part 3: The Clown Library). For the sake of the narrative, here's a quick summary of some things it contained:
  1. David's home address.
  2. David's horny comments on My Little Pony hentai.
  3. David's alleged gender dysphoria, which may or may not just be him LARPing as a tranny.
  4. David's godawful fanfiction including a grimdark My Little Pony story that he's still writing today, an antique Sonic fanfic he wrote when he was 11, and a summary of his Halo x Powerpuff Girls crossover "The Son of Reach" (the full version is sadly unavailable).
  5. A very young David posting about how much he hated his dead sister on a Halo fan forum.
  6. David being mocked, banned, and generally reviled across a wide variety of sites.
  7. David getting exposed for lying about why he closed his forum Digital Wild West — it was clearly a direct response to the first wave of doxing.
  8. Shitloads of other autism.
At this point David hit tilt and started blasting out tard cum like an autistic squid trying to escape a shark. He tried to play off his obviously sincere pony porn comments as trolling:
Drain Todger said:
To be quite frank, people say disgusting and horny shit on imageboard comments all the time. That's the whole point. Have you ever been to rule34.xxx? I mean, literally every single image has some horny chick who's like "OH LAWD I WISH THAT WAS ME GETTING FILLED WITH ALL THAT CUM".

Sometimes, I see images on those boards that are particularly disgusting, and I troll the comments. Deal with it.
He also claimed he was getting off to this humiliation. It's unclear whether this was an embarrassing truth or an autistic misdirection, but either way wow:
Drain Todger said:
No, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand completely.

I don't want to fuck the pony. I want to be the pony.

I'm pretty much exclusively submissive and into fem-pov and sissification shit, so this idea that I'd be fucking anything is moronic to begin with.

Being the fuckee, on the other hand, is definitely more my speed.

Yes. That's right. You can feel it, can't you? That creeping suspicion in the back of your head, and with it, a sense of looming dread.

You can't defeat someone with a humiliation kink. It's not possible.

It's basically the autist Tank class. Every blow to my ego only increases my satisfaction.
He also expanded on several humiliating nuggets from the second dox:
Drain Todger said:
First of all, look at the date.


I was twelve fucking years old when I wrote that.

Twelve. Years. Old.

Secondly, you don't know my sister as well as I did. I loved her very much, however, she was very, very difficult to live with.
  • One time, when I was 6, I was autistically banging on pots and pans with spoons for fun, and she grabbed a spoon and threw it straight at my face and gave me a black eye.
  • She would always start fights with me, and they would always end in me being bruised up and begging her to stop fucking bullying me.
  • She was a Christcuck like you wouldn't believe and would deliberately censor every single movie, every single piece of printed media that I ever came in contact with.
  • She would make Jurassic Park dinosaur screeches to cover up the curse words in movies.
  • She was hardly ever around. She would go to those JW Kingdom Halls and basically stay late for the Spanish service on top of the English service.
  • Her journal contained all sorts of crazy shit, like seeing gay couples in the mall and fantasizing about killing them.
I bet you'd think she was pretty based, but in reality, she was fucking weird.

And yet, in spite of her flaws, I loved her very, very much. I get drunk and I fucking cry over her, dude. There isn't much else I can do.

Anyway, pretty much the moment she died, I started looking for hentai on Limewire and reading disgusting FF.net lemons back when they still allowed lemons, and my descent into abject degeneracy began.
Drain Todger said:
I completely forgot that I once attempted to write a Halo/Powerpuff Girls crossover. It totally slipped my mind. Wow. What a trip down memory lane.

The David Carrier was an even more autistic version of Eggman's Egg Carrier, by the way. I mainly wanted one for myself, just because, well, I had a thing for big metal "air-ships" like in Last Exile.

Too bad gravity makes them impossible.

That's another thing that always bugged me in Halo. Bungie stopped giving a shit as to whether or not certain UNSC ships were atmosphere-capable. The Pillar of Autumn's launch in Halo: Reach was cool, but let's face it; if that thing had actually taken off that close to us, the downwash would have fucking blown everything away.

The PoA weighs 9 million metric tons, or as much as 3,214 fully-laden Saturn V rockets. The downwash from the required 90,000+ meganewtons of thrust for this scene to be possible would be hilarious.

Let me put it this way; Noble Six would never have had a dramatic last stand with those Elites. There would no longer be a launch gantry, or a base, or anything left standing for many kilometers.
Based janny @It's HK-47 saw through David's autistic ploys and pointed out how his assblasted actions spoke louder than his words:
It's HK-47 said:
If you weren't concerned about any of this then why did you try to run around and mass delete everything? You can't really have "Well, I'm not squirming" and "Got my heart pounding for a minute there" in the same statement. If you're not bothered, then you can just let us know what you ran around and deleted.
It's HK-47 said:
For what it's worth I already asked Null if we should be concerned that someone was basically Halal'ing themselves in their own thread, and his response was essentially that he ignored all of the sign-up warnings so it's his own fault. Apparently Dodger also requested that the thread be deleted.
After that the thread largely settled into a pattern of David tarding out about various topics and people mocking him. Instead of leaving the forum like any sane person would, or at least coming back on a different account, David has continued to post on Kiwi Farms as @Drain Todger to this day. He's actually become fairly well-liked on A&N and other conspiritard-friendly areas of the site, to the point that some users actually stick up for him. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about what that means for the site and its current userbase.

David's original thread also kickstarted a few cow-specific memes:
  • Lick your doorknobs — @Adamska's creative way of telling David to kill himself.
  • Neurotrawpic virus — Comes from David's unusual pronunciation of the word "neurotropic" in a YouTube video that has since been privated. Spelled in various ways depending on who's mocking him.
  • David Clop — @AltisticRight's derisive nickname based on David's degenerate cartoon pony lust.
In the next section we'll take a deep dive into the shallow pool of David's mind.
Last edited:


International House of Proboscis

Part 2: Portrait of a Smug Autist​


"Nobody likes a smug autist, David."@Spedestrian
David's self-dox saga was pretty embarrassing, but it takes more than a single embarrassing incident to create a lolcow. True lolcows have enduring character flaws, consistent patterns of abnormal behavior that cause them to make asses of themselves time and time again. Fortunately for us, David is no exception. In this section I'll be attempting to characterize his unique brand of autism so that everyone can identify it and laugh at him for it. Pull up your favorite armchair, because it's time for some amateur psychology.

Sperghetti Spilling​


"I don't want to fuck the pony. I want to be the pony." — @Drain Todger

Like many autists, David has a tendency to overshare personal information. Sometimes he shares embarrassing facts about his weird family, like the fact that he still lives with his parents at age 30 because his dad guilt-trips him into it:
No. I live with mommy and daddy because my father is an emotionally manipulative, co-dependent jerk who guilt-trips me every time I make any suggestion of moving out.

"Ohh waaaaaah, are you gonna leave me with your mother? I'll just shrivel up and blow away in the wind."

"Hey, don't you know in Europe, families have dynastic wealth because children live with their parents more often? Moving out is a scam. They just want you to pay your own set of bills."

I have suggested moving out numerous times, and this is the response I consistently get. Guilt-tripping me to stay.

I'm like, "Whatever, I guess I'll just play another thousand hours of Skyrim, then".
Or the fact that he was homeschooled by his hyper-religious parents all the way through high school:
Other times David shares way too much information about his sexual fetishes:
No, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand completely.

I don't want to fuck the pony. I want to be the pony.

I'm pretty much exclusively submissive and into fem-pov and sissification shit, so this idea that I'd be fucking anything is moronic to begin with.

Being the fuckee, on the other hand, is definitely more my speed.
Did I say "other times?" I meant most of the time :
And on rare occasions, when the stars are aligned just right, David shares embarrassing family stories AND weird horny shit at the same time:
Secondly, you don't know my sister as well as I did. I loved her very much, however, she was very, very difficult to live with.
. . . .
Anyway, pretty much the moment she died, I started looking for hentai on Limewire and reading disgusting FF.net lemons back when they still allowed lemons, and my descent into abject degeneracy began.
He overshares all sorts of other shit too, but that's basically why this thread exists so there's no sense trying to cram it all into the OP.

TL;DR - Tediously Lengthy David Retardation​

"I'm going to attempt to summarize my updated findings in a concise manner. . . ." — @Drain Todger
"Dammit, I hit the character limit. Okay, Part 2." — @Drain Todger, moments later

David frequently writes impenetrable walls of text wherein he fails to make a coherent point, grossly overestimates how interesting he is, and/or drops a fistful of citations without even trying to show how they justify his argument:
To quote myself:

I'm going to attempt to summarize my updated findings in a concise manner, to try and narrow down what happens to COVID-19 victims. I'm also going to cite my sources:

<A bunch of wild-ass claims, plus links to hundreds of pages worth of medical studies without any indication of which page his alleged evidence is supposed to be on.>
David arrogantly believes these tard screeds are worthy of serious consideration and acts like he's entitled to the time and attention of his intellectual and social superiors:
Also, I sent a 3600-word nastygram to Senator Blumenthal, Dr. Redfield, and Secretary Azar, which, of course, they have not returned:
. . . .
I also realize that many of these are unconfirmed rumors, that my own conclusions would need expert review, and that my qualifications are insufficient to make any authoritative statements on my own.
To really understand David's profound lack of respect for other people's time, check out this paragraph from that "3600-word nastygram" he sent to important doctors and politicians:
Apologies for not citing my sources. I’m very tired, it’s been a long week, and heck, I suspect you already know far more than I do and can swat me down if I’m off-base.
So not only did David send these powerful leaders 3600 words worth of amateur hot takes, he didn't even bother to cite his sources so that they could actually verify his claims. Even worse, he sent it to them expecting that they already knew more about the situation and would take time out of their day to set him straight if he was off base. He literally expected the director of the CDC to school his tard ass about COVID-19 in the middle of a goddamn pandemic :story:

David's egotistical entitlement to other people's time isn't limited to the rich and powerful either. When the rude plebians of Kiwi Farms dismiss his arguments for being too long and too retarded to read, David's go-to move is to accuse them of committing some type of logical fallacy:
The vast majority of those are peer-reviewed, and the ones that aren’t are explicitly described as such, with a note that more research is needed.

I showed my work, and I cited my sources. What you're engaging in is essentially a refutation without the substance of a refutation.
If you just say "That's absurd, you're absurd" every time someone satisfies the burden of proof, you're not actually arguing anything.
When he's not doing that, he's acting like people's unwillingness to read his tedious autistic novellas is a symptom of some societal ill:
No, I suppose not. It's very disappointing that people have very short attention spans and don't read very much these days, but why would I expect anything less? We were raised on streaming media and instant gratification. Aldous Huxley was right. The Brave New World is here. Nobody goes to the bookstore or the library anymore. They just bask in the narcotic haze of their smartphone's instant dopamine fix.
In short, David refuses to accept that brevity is the soul of wit, and ain't nobody got time for his shit.



"I am in fucking contact with several high-level people over this" — @Drain Todger
"My document on the virus was endorsed by Donald Trump on Twitter." — @Drain Todger

If you couldn't already tell, David thinks he's pretty hot shit and he loves to flex about it. One of his favorite moves is to brag about all the experts he's "in contact" with, i.e. the handful of people who were bored/kind enough to reply to his tard screeds:
I follow Dr. John Campbell’s YouTube channel. I am also in direct contact with:

-Dr. Todd Rider, PhD, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, inventor of DRACO antiviral therapy (which, sadly, never got enough funding to advance to human trials). I have donated $1000 to his research.

-Michael Coudrey, the founder of the Pharos Investment Group, who I conversed with on Twitter about the prospect of bringing novel antiviral therapies to bear against pandemics.

-An unnamed Board Director of an IT and cyber-security company in Japan, who is an acquaintance of Col. Ken Alibek, the Soviet defector and former head of their bioweapons research program; he contacted me after a post I made about the virus, expressing deep and heartfelt concerns.
I showed my work, in numerous places. The proof of my understanding of this topic is contained in literally everything I've written about it. I received endorsements from PhD biologists, immunologists, et al., and I also asked them to review my work and make sure I was on the right track. I did not push experts aside. I deferred to experts.

Everyone with a biology-related degree that I've passed my information to has reacted with something along the lines of, "Wow, this is amazing, thank you!"

Everyone with a non-biology-related degree that I've passed my information to has reacted like, "You're not a doctor or an expert, how dare you?!"

So, yeah. There's a substantial disparity there, in that actual experts in the topic in question have lauded my work.
Drain Todger on 9chan said:
>start emailing senators, doctors, scientists, inquiring about wtf just happened in Wuhan
>a few are helpful, most don't even reply
>contacted by dude in Japan
>Director of the Board of an IT company and former acquaintance of the head of the Soviet Union's anthrax program
>he wants to know all the info I've gathered on the virus
>he has friends who are ex-CIA, ex-NSA
>they glow so brightly I'm blind, and they think I'm an info-gathering god
>keep feeding them intel
>they hook me up with a direct line to a WSJ correspondent
>literally researching the virus alongside ex-glowies and WSJ journalists
>crazy secret agent shit

David believes the replies he receives are ringing endorsements of his brilliance, but this is likely due to his autistic inability to understand the more subtle aspects of human communication. For example, here's what he took away from a recent conversation with Dr. Todd Rider:
I recently contacted the MIT virologist Dr. Todd Rider again with the latest information I’d gathered, and he had this to say.
1596244_057D7D93-298A-41FF-BB4F-A209DFF12BDF.png 1596246_FC681ED8-DDB2-4224-ACB4-E3B42275E753.png
“You seem to have an excellent nose for finding useful information in very tentative and chaotic information environments.”

All of the experts I’ve contacted thus far have been supportive, even heaping praise upon my investigative abilities. Who was I supposed to believe? Non-experts telling me to give up, or the experts spurring me onward?
Now here's the actual reply he received. Keep in mind that Dr. Rider is the founder of an institute for science research and education, and also that David has donated $1000 to said institute:
I don't know about you, but to me that sounds less like an expert endorsement and more like a special ed teacher trying to encourage a retarded child. The praise may be genuine, but all he's really saying is "good job obsessively Googling shit."

David also completely missed the fact that Dr. Rider hit him with some low-key savage critique in that second paragraph. For context, David's hypothesis was that vitamin levels have a huge impact on the effects of COVID-19, and Dr. Rider replied with this:
Dr. Todd Rider said:
Your ideas about vitamins are interesting and sound worthy of further study. I could envision many complicating factors, though. People who are more likely to be deficient in certain vitamins are also more likely to have other health conditions that may make them more vulnerable to the virus, less likely to be able to avoid exposure where they live / work / commute, and less likely to have access to high-quality health care. It might be difficult to sort out which factors are truly most important. You might want to add some of those caveats to your discussion so folks don't criticize you at that point.
How is that savage? Because the things that Dr. Rider is explaining here are incredibly fundamental aspects of the scientific method, so he's basically saying that David's hypothesis is a flimsy piece of shit that ignores the basic tenets of science. He's telling him that correlation does not imply causation , ergo it's stupid to assume that vitamin deficiency causes COVID-19 when there could easily be other factors involved. He's also telling David that it's important to consider control variables and confounding variables when attempting to draw scientific conclusions. Lastly, he's suggesting that David should acknowledge the massive number of potential caveats to his hypothesis so that he doesn't get called out for being an absolute retard.

As you can see, David's understanding of the feedback he receives is dubious if not outright delusional. When he can't rely on fallacious appeals to authority to prop up his ego, he instead resorts to listing out his own credentials crudentials to explain why his opinions are important and special:
For the past three weeks, I have been analyzing numerous pieces of leaked media from Wuhan, Hubei province, China, as well as studying scientific papers on SARS-CoV and SARS-CoV-2, the effect of these pathogens on human biology, the patient outcomes, the epidemiological models, and the reports from doctors, virologists, and epidemiologists tracking the disease.
. . . .
I have also been donating all of the spare CPU clock cycles on my home workstation to Rosetta@home’s protein-folding simulations through Berkeley’s BOINC distributed computing platform.
Oftentimes the things he trots out are bafflingly irrelevant personal details that actually make him seem less credible. For example, here's a section from a letter about COVID-19 that he sent to prominent government officials:
I am a diesel technician who specializes in the operation and maintenance of marine-adapted locomotive engines, such as the EMD 710 and GE 7FDM/V228. I have also maintained electrical and hydraulic equipment on our vessels, and I am trained in firefighting and the use of respirators.


"He genuinely thinks he's some polymath because mom & dad praised his initiative in getting into those sporadic intense interests that autistic children have. He never grew out of it unfortunately." — @Spooky Bones
"You can't grow out of being a sped." — @A_Skellington

David's grandiosity is just one manifestation of his unique brand of egotistical autism, his ego-tism if you will. He's madly in love with his big fat galaxy brain and treats those he views as lesser minds with contempt:
Japanese bureaucrats eat lunch and handle their smartphones aboard the Diamond Princess while still wearing their contaminated gloves, heedless of the danger because of their tiny pea brains.
Furthermore, that Jack Russell Terrier-looking ignoramus, John Bolton, has made himself an enemy of the American public by de-funding the CDC, while our rivals still actively research bioweapons and openly brag of their plans to depopulate America for their own benefit. He has a lot to answer for, and he must be held accountable when Americans die from this terrifying disease.
David's feelings of superiority may also manifest as insufferable smugness and sarcasm:
I'm mostly just impressed that I went 20 fucking years being this much of a sperg online and you guys not only never noticed for that entire time, you didn't harvest the delicious tard cum.
Oh, excuse me if I’m about to get extremely, insufferably sarcastic, but right in the middle of the outbreak, Charles Lieber, a Harvard chemist specializing in nanotech, was charged with accepting bribes from China’s Wuhan University of Technology and possibly selling our tech secrets to the PRC, and the DOJ’s indictment mentions how one of his Chinese associates stood accused of attempting to smuggle biological samples out of the country in a stinky old sock, but let’s ignore that, that’s nothing. It’s like, what’s-his-face. Wayne Knight. In Jurassic Park. Dennis Nedry. Vials in a can of Barbasol. Yeah, it’s nothing we should be worried about.
David seems to believe he's an expert on all of his interests no matter how little he truly knows about them. However, unlike your typical narcissist or Dunning-Kruger victim, David is generally capable of acknowledging the gaps in his understanding. What's strange is that David hardly ever seems to act on this apparent self-awareness. He'll concede that he doesn't know something, then continue to pontificate about it as though he didn't just admit that he doesn't know shit. To illustrate, here are a few quotes from one of his extended COVID-19 diatribes where he repeatedly admits that his sources are dubious and he isn't a qualified professional:
I also realize that many of these are unconfirmed rumors, that my own conclusions would need expert review, and that my qualifications are insufficient to make any authoritative statements on my own.
By cross-referencing and meta-analysis, I have come to a few very disturbing conclusions. My confidence in them is not 100%; this is all inexact because it’s based on incomplete data from an outbreak in progress, pieced together from preprint papers and other spotty data (as well as peer-reviewed but sometimes outdated research on SARS-CoV) but this is the picture that I currently have.
I am not a biologist or virologist. I’m an [REDACTED], on a [REDACTED]. If even a rank-and-file [REDACTED] nobody like me can piece together this much with nothing but trawling social media and engaging in Google-fu, then how many other members of the lay public are slowly beginning to realize what is happening, and what horrors are heading full steam in our direction, right now, while we stand paralyzed like a deer in the headlights?
Now here's another quote from the same diatribe where he outlines his detailed plan for containing a COVID-19 epidemic. Apparently knowing that he's a layman working with jank data wasn't enough to keep him from LARPing as the CDC:
What do we need in order to contain this should it cause an epidemic in America? Well, here’s what I’m looking at right now.

Remdesivir, an FDA-unapproved antiviral designed to combat Ebola, a task that it failed at, but which has shown great promise in treating COVID-19 patients. It inhibits RNA replication and prevents the virus from producing more virions in the body.

Chloroquine, a synthetic quinine used as an anti-malarial medication, which also inhibits viral replication.

<A bunch of other dubious recommendations from an autistic layman>

And, of course, we need robust transportation for all of these supplies, as well as strict military quarantine measures to isolate the infected from the uninfected, should the worst come to pass and the spread of this lurking killer cannot be easily controlled.

If factories don’t exist to assemble any of these things, they need to exist, right now.
Another good example of David's self-proclaimed expertise is his attempt to psych profile the average Kiwi Farms user less than two months after joining the forum:
Based on my brief contact with Kiwi Farms, I think I have a pretty good profile of the average Farmer.

Very aggressive Type A personality. Perfectionist. Goes out of their way to find faults in others. Lanky and malnourished-looking ectomorphs, and probably hormonally-imbalanced, with slender piano-playing faggot fingers, but uses avatars of well-built, masculine, block-headed people like John Goodman and John Wayne to come across as intimidating. Listens to Eurobeat, Dance, and Techno and whatever else has just the right sadomasochistic vibe. Fascist-adjacent, but makes fun of fascists, too. Wants desperately to relive their years as a high school bully, but can't quite pull it off as an adult without being ridiculed by polite society. Deeply insecure about their own autistic tendencies and astronomical power levels. Spends all day picking on "spergs", "troons", "furfags", et cetera, as a form of ritual flagellation to suppress those tendencies in themselves and reassure themselves of their ideological purity. Fear of being discovered, halaled, and targeted by one's peers encourages cult-like conformity and discourages any displays of individuality whatsoever.

Am I getting warmer?
Beneath it all, I sense something else. A sort of world-weariness, if you will. A dissatisfaction with the fact that this planet permits idiots to thrive.

To doxx is a sacred duty, in this ideological framework. In a society that vainly and idiotically prizes reputation above all else, doxxing is the only thing that can trample the fragile ego of the victim.

However, there are still some things that I'm not too certain about. Namely, what the object of all of it is.

What is the overall goal, would you say? Is it merely to point and laugh at cows for its own sake, and derive enjoyment from this, or is it to get cows to modify their behavior to suit an ideal?

Because while the former could be considered all in good fun, the latter makes someone into a disciplinarian with a stick up their ass, and frankly, I find those types of people very exhausting to be around.
Again, David's problem isn't just oblivious narcissism or an inability to acknowledge his limitations. He's aware of where he stands on a conceptual level, he just can't seem to apply that understanding to his practical behavior:
I don't wish to comment on my exact IQ score. Suffice it to say, I am a midwit. Neither a genius nor a dummy. I'm right in that sweet spot where I play second-fiddle to the 130 and 140 IQ people while also being horrified at the mind-numbing stupidity of the average person.


"I have been banned from multiple communities for telling the fucking truth." — @Drain Todger
"I am whatever the polar opposite of calm is." — @Drain Todger

David's hot takes often descend into "Pepe Silvia" tier conspiracy theories where he latches onto trivial/benign/imaginary correlations between the things he thinks he knows:
Wuhan does not have only 2,000ish dead. It’s more like 50k to 300k dead. The whole city is a graveyard full of screaming people and carrion birds that smell the decaying corpses and hunger for human flesh. Those welded-up apartments are full of dead people. Grandma’s bloated corpse is lying on the coffee table while her screaming grandkids are in the next room.

These motherfucking bureaucrat assholes need to get off their motherfucking asses and fucking act immediately!
I’ve been following the DUG stuff on 4chan, and it honestly has me a little creeped out. I mean, seriously. What the fuck is this?

. . . .

There is some serious spook shit going on here. Those are guys in military BDUs escorting what is clearly a malnourished patient, not a COVID-19 victim. What the fuck?

Think about it. All the stuff for the past four years about securing the border, stopping human trafficking, the weird military intelligence planes circling cities years ago, the DOD training troops to fight underground, and then there are all these alleged reports of seismic activity in the vicinity of supposed locations of Deep Underground Military Bases.


Something is amiss here. I'm not sure exactly what, though. What if the pandemic is being used as a cover for some serious operations of some kind?
Yeah, but what's with the unprotected guys in BDUs escorting the patient? Let's be logical, here.

Look at them. The guys in uniform. They're not wearing masks.

Would you want to be that close to a COVID-19 patient without a mask of any kind?

. . . .

Look, I'm not saying any of this is true.

I'm just going to keep an eye on it and save copies of everything, just in case. Because of the incessant nature of these claims, this is something that should be monitored.
Not necessarily. There are multiple explanations for something like this. It doesn't necessarily have to be whatever the QAnon LARPers are saying it is. It could be a foreign intelligence operation, deliberately spreading misinformation on /pol/ to try and muddy the waters.

The point is, people are posting this stuff over and over again, and janitors on /pol/ are moving it out of sight, to /bant/. There have been 8 of these generals already:


It has risen to the level of notability simply because of the attention it's getting over there, with multiple threads with hundreds of posts. It's worth tracking.
This paranoia often causes David to whip himself into a histrionic tard frenzy over the slightest suspicions and concerns. Sometimes this just leads him to make grossly exaggerated claims:
No amount of ridicule or denial is going to change the fact that COVID-19 eats people's brains for lunch and craps out an exceptional vegetable on the other end.
Other times his complete lack of chill leads to a full-blown Chicken Little chimpout:
SARS-CoV-2 does not merely cause mild flu symptoms that progress to bilateral viral pneumonia with ground-glass opacities in both lungs. That would be bad enough on its own.

No, it causes myocarditis in your heart, and then, your heart breaking down gives you rhabdo and kidney failure from all the myoglobin circulating in your bloodstream.

Your own prevotella gut bacteria starts infecting your body with massive bacterial infections because of your overtaxed immune system being driven to its limit.

Autoimmune reactions destroy the alveoli in your lungs until your lungs look like goulash. Your liver and kidneys and blood vessels all start shitting themselves, and blood clots consisting of clumps of your dissolved heart, viruses, and bacteria turn your bloodstream septic while also giving you heart attacks and/or strokes.

. . . .

This fucker is neurological. It attacks the heart. It destroys the kidneys. It also happens to turn your lungs into a great big pile of shit.
Occasionally it leads to David's brain melting into a gelatinous blob of terror and anxiety:
I am writing to you because I am begging you, please. Please, sirs. Act now. Before this disgusting pathogen does to our country what it did to China.

The American public are, in large part, totally unaware of the terrible danger we are all in. This thing is killing young people. It’s killing young, healthy Chinese doctors and it’s killing Iranian children.

I don’t want to die. I don’t want my family members to die. I don’t want my friends and co-workers to die.

Please, help us. Please, secure vital funding. Please, contain this thing.

From the bottom of my heart, I am begging you.
This trait is so deeply ingrained in David that he won't even listen to real life friends when they tell him to "lol calm down":
I had a personal friend of mine, a guy with a [REDACTED] who was formerly of the [REDACTED] (we met over our shared love of military science fiction), tell me off and say, to paraphrase, “Don’t worry, let experts handle it, you can do nothing, you know nothing, calm down.” Well, I’m not calm. I am whatever the polar opposite of calm is.
While the origin of this particular trait is unclear, it's worth noting that his mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic who once chimped out at his dad for having "demonically-possessed Ray-Bans":
David has yet to do anything on the same level as butt-ass naked grand theft auto, but with any luck he'll surpass his mother's insanity someday.


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International House of Proboscis

Part 3: The Clown Library​


"Bitch boy you are in the clown library, don't forget it." — @derpherp2

This section is an expanded version of my original post in David's thread. It contains all sorts of embarrassing shit that David forgot to delete before flexing about how we'd never find his embarrassing shit. There are over 1800 archived links in total, so what you'll see in this post is really more of a sampler platter of David's various autistic endeavors.

If you want to see every last link of archived sperging, check out The Clown Library over on Github. It's over there because there's so much shit that I'd need like 10 more posts to fit it all into the forum proper, and throwing it on Github was an easy way to turn it into a nice clickable webpage thingy. There's a backup version attached to this post just in case.


This thread has taken so long that this dox could very well be outdated by now, but it was accurate when I found it so fuck it:
Name: David Andrew Jamison Jr.
Address: 2026 E 16th Street, Bremerton, WA 98377
Birthday: May 11, 1990
Occupation: QMED Oiler at Washington State Ferries
Aliases: Train Dodger, Drain Todger, *THASF*, The Halo and Sonic Fan, Reveille, GNO-SYS, Spartan043, b00msl4ng, Allan X, The Allanx, Querulus, Feldspar


David's original Derpibooru profile:

David's Derpibooru profile after being deactivated. Note that the name was changed to the deactivation date, which lines up perfectly with David's DFE spree:

David asks a hard-hitting philosophical question:


David getting real horny for cartoon ponies in the comments, strangely preoccupied with spooning and sniffing them:

David acting like he participated in the political movements of the 1990s, i.e. the decade when he was still learning how to walk and use the big boy toilet:


David's account on Fimfiction, a My Little Pony fanfiction site, because of course he'd have some shit like that. Three different archives to show that he switched his account name twice after he got outed on Kiwi Farms:

David's post about becoming a paypig of Fimfiction, plus the site's Patreon page to show that his Gold membership costs $20/month:

David's cringy grimdark pony fanfiction "Revanchism":

Revanchism — Summary Blurb said:
It is the year 2181 SSC.

For the past millennium, the small and technologically-advanced Equestrian Empire has waged war against the old and corrupt Cleomanni Confederacy, fighting desperately to secure recognition by the Free Trade Union, whose discriminatory policies exclude non-bipeds from the political process.

The Equestrians employed weapons of terrifying might in their struggle. Quad-walkers that fielded the firepower of an entire artillery battery. Magical codices potent enough to turn entire cities to molten glass. However, it wasn't enough. They failed. One by one, their worlds fell to the cleomanni and their numerical superiority, until the satyrs reached Equestria itself and remorselessly bombarded Everfree City and its gleaming spaceports into dust.

Three years hence, Sergeant Desert Storm, a former charger jockey, chafes in captivity, subjected to unethical experiments on an ongoing basis, with even the most basic of legal protections denied to her. However, she is not alone. Even when all hope seems lost, there are ponies willing to rise to the challenge and overthrow their oppressors.

In an era where friendship and harmony are naught but a bittersweet memory, the soul of a defeated nation cries out for one thing, and one thing only; revenge.

If that summary didn't clue you in to the sort of gritty adult pony action you can expect from David's fanfic, perhaps this list of tags will help:

The "sex" tag alone doesn't really convey the depravity of David's clopfiction, though. See, this is a first-person narrative from the perspective of David's female pony OC Desert Storm. So when there's a sex scene, it's David writing about what it feels like to be dominated by a man and have his insides stretched out and cumflated by a big 'ol horse cock. No, seriously, here's a text-to-speech rendition of a single paragraph from one of his 4,000+ word sex scenes:

To be fair, a 4,000+ word sex scene isn't that much compared to the total length of the novel: as of Chapter 20 this shitheap weighs in at 347,875 words.* Here's how that stacks up to other famously wordy novels so you can get a sense of the magnitude of retardation we're dealing with here:

That's right, David's book is longer than all 7 novels in the Chronicles of Narnia series combined, and he isn't even finished yet. This nigga is the C.S. Lewis of grimdark clopshit :story:
*He's up to 404,411 words as of Chapter 23, but I don't care enough to update the graphic. Call me when he gets past War and Peace.

Finally, here are downloadable versions of Revanchism since the web archives get blocked by Fimfiction's explicit content gate. These links currently cover Chapters 1-23, but they'll always point to the latest version of that's been uploaded to the repo, so in the future they may include additional chapters. There are also local copies attached at the bottom of this post:
Revanchism (TXT)
Revanchism (HTML)
Revanchism (ePub)


Various iterations of David's fanfiction.net profile with different usernames (TrainDodger, Allan X, The Allanx):
One of these has a title and description for his Halo x Powerpuff Girls fanfiction "The Son of Reach." Unfortunately I haven't been able to find a full version online, and David says he doesn't have a copy anymore. This blurb is all that remains:
The Son of Reach said:
The last survivor of the SPARTAN II Project: Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 ends up in the world of the Powerpuff Girls, with a long time before he gets home. A Halo/PPG crossover story! Please Read & Review. :)

Bungie.org Forums​

An 11-year-old David sharing his Sonic fanfiction, then having a complete fucking meltdown because nobody responded within 8 hours:


Here's all the chapters of the aforementioned Sonic fanfiction combined into a single text file, and again there's a local copy attached at the bottom of the post. Archives for the original Angelfire links are in the spoiler.

Young David mourning the untimely passing of his sister by describing his plans for an autistic airship named the "David Carrier":


Young David sharing some of his random access humor, getting mad when people treat him like the sped he is, insulting someone for spelling Ritalin correctly, then proceeding to talk shit about "idiots and kooks" like his recently deceased sister:



20-year-old David describing his personal hygiene standards:




David sperging about unrealistic military standards in a game where you shoot space aliens with laser guns. The first two replies tell you everything you need to know:


David tarding out about unrealistic ship design in Mass Effect 2:


David basically calls the Covenant from Halo a bunch of niggers:


Played 400 hours of Saints Row 3:

David getting horny on main:


TFW you can't make a digital GF to beat off to:

Halo 3 knife sperging:

David sperging about weebshit:

Digital Wild West​

Digital Wild West is/was David's personal forum. The site says it's down for "maintenance":

According to David he's closing the site because he's sick of paying for it, but according to the evidence he's full of shit. Here's a Google Cache showing that the site was still operational on 03/26/2020, presumably before he realized he'd been doxed:

And here's the WHOIS record for his domain showing that he just renewed his registration for another two years on 01/18/2020. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm sick of paying for something I don't pay for two years worth of that thing in advance:

Here's David shilling his forum elsewhere:

Questionable Questing​

Profile showing his ban was lifted:

David talking about spending $525 on textbooks:

@Kaede Did Nothing Wrong had another recommendation for David's book collection:

Some of his Corona sperging on QQ. Contains several classic Davidisms including massively overinflated ego, wanton misunderstanding of medicine (the buspirone he takes is not "practically benzos"), and underscoring his post with an incredibly autistic video (fucking Shadow the Hedgehog this time :story:):


Some QQ members talking shit about David:


In case you missed it nestled inside of a quoted spoiler in the first post, QQ had a thread in a members-only area of the site discussing why David suddenly deleted/redacted all his shit on QQ. It includes some mention of his weird tranny shit, plus some QQ members laughing at David for basically handing us his dox on a silver platter:
The post QQ finally banned him for, plus some discussion of the ban afterwards:



His profile wasn't archived before he deleted it, but you can see somebody linking it in the archived version of his Questionable Questing profile above:

Corona sperging & ban:


Other users discussing his ban:


Another SpaceBattles user pissing on David's grave:

In case you thought that David regaling people with the autistic history of his usernames was a one-time thing for Kiwi Farms, here's him doing it on SpaceBattles:

After the philistines at GameFAQs laughed at David's complaints about the lack of realism in a game where you shoot space aliens with laser guns, he decided to present his arguments to a more autistic receptive audience at SpaceBattles instead:

Sufficient Velocity​

Profile where David claims that he's female:


David chimping out about somebody cyber-deadnaming him in a thread about one of his other autistic conspiracy theories, with bonus pronoun sperging at the end:


Sufficient Velocity users respecting David's genderspecial status:


Frozen in Carbonite​


A 28 year old David fails to convince his mommy that he's a big enough boy to handle meeting a stranger at a My Little Pony convention:


David getting so high off his own farts in the Coronavirus thread that even his buddy Rufus from the pony convention was talking shit:


The Sietch​


David talks about how public social media is bad OPSEC, proceeds to dox himself on Kiwi Farms anyway:
Train Dodger said:
Having a public social media profile violates some of the most basic principles of OPSEC.

People don’t understand the risks. Once the novelty wears off for them, a few people are slowly coming to the realization that Zuck and Co. know where they keep their underwear.
Train Dodger said:
These fuckers invade your privacy - or rather, you turn around and willingly present your asses to them like a baboon - and they turn around and give you this wonderful experience of being constantly bombarded by other users’ useless trivia about their own lives. Meanwhile, they’re profiling you. Figuring out what you like and what you dislike. Selling your information to advertisers and letting government agencies scrape all of it so that they can compile dossiers on everyone.
Train Dodger said:
People used to understand the value of privacy. Hell, we used to shred envelopes and unwanted correspondence so people wouldn’t pick addresses and personal information out of our trash. Now, people display their bare asses to everyone on the internet, even people thousands of miles away. It’s insane.

David takes a page from the Jaden Smith playbook:
Train Dodger said:
One argument I’ve made on SB numerous times (one that pissed a lot of people off on a regular basis) is that debt is a moral construct, and the purpose of money is to settle debts, therefore, money isn’t real, because debt isn’t a real thing, and therefore, the price system isn’t real, and so on.

Our entire economy is based on quid pro quo, our notions of subjective value, and the vague feeling of indebtedness to one another. In order for stealing to exist, property must exist, and property is literally inside your head (there is no actual physical difference between a claimed and unclaimed hectare of unimproved land) so on and so forth.

David laments the fact that cars are being designed for safety and efficiency over aesthetics, cries about being psychologically harmed by boring architecture:
Train Dodger said:
Cars on the road look uglier than ever before, due to a combination of regulations and unimaginative, computer-driven design where virtual stress analysis and virtual wind tunnels take precedence over aesthetics. It is harming us psychologically to be constantly bombarded with architecture and design that lacks the essential property of beauty.

We Hunted The Mammoth​

David was tarding out so hard on this blog that the owner had to make a post about cracking down on his shitty comments:

David responded to this by saying he's socially awkward and doesn't understand people (i.e. has autism) and that his comments were some kind of exceptional social experiment:


Gawker (Kotaku / Jezebel / etc.)​

Kinja profile that tracks David's comments on various Gawker blogs:

More pseudo-tranny shit:


4chan / 9chan​


David posting his tard shit on 4chan:
https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/250528780/#250549351 https://archive.li/lkFCs David als...375&ithint=file,docx&authkey=!ADUCZrsWHwEJ9To

>feel less schizo now
>the meds help


>pissed off that China being kill means I probably will have to go off my meds
>pissed off that nobody in my area knows anything and my coworkers are treating me like crap for trying to warn them about the virus
>still desperately contacting doctors and universities for answers

So, anyway, I live in the Seattle area, and I knew as far back as January that we were going to be one of the hardest-hit locations in the US. Why? Because. Chinese expats and tourists love it here. I see them all the time.
Trust me, the National Guard is going to start cordoning shit off over here in a few weeks as cases start to explode. This virus is a real fucker.



Oh the irony:


David's defunct Facebook:


David's Gamespot blog:

David's game reviews:




David's defunct Twitter:

Assorted Tweet archives:

One of David's COVID-19 threads condensed:


David's YouTube channel. Unfortunately all his videos are now unlisted / private now:

The Virus:
Original (Privated)
Archive (Catbox)

Neurotropic Virus:
Original (Privated)
If any hero has an archive of this one please post it or send it to me. It's the one where he's yelling into the megaphone about the NEUROTRAWPIC VIRUS.

Mountain Shootin':
Archive (Catbox)

David's older YouTube channel, still up but it's all just boring vidya autism:


This thread wouldn't exist without @zedkissed60. He found David's initial dox as well as a lot of the interesting leads that the other contributors and I eventually mined for more tard gold. He also tardwrangled David a fair bit to get more shit out of him, including confirmation that the dox address was accurate.

Big ups to the following users for their help investigating, archiving, screenshotting, and/or memeing the shit out of this sped:
@Desu Mountain
@It's HK-47
@Kaede Did Nothing Wrong
@Token Weeaboo

Special thanks to these users for saying some funny shit that I used to spice up the thread:
@Bat Soup Reviews
@Daddy's Little Kitten
@Spooky Bones

If there's anyone here who contributed and would like me to update this to include their lolcow.org username instead of (or along with) their KF username just let me know.


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Person of Interest
Confirmed Drama Goblin
It's beyond a tragedy that NEUROTROPIC BRAIN-EATING VIRUS is lost to time, it's one of my favourite videos ever and I miss his whole collection of kino, it's probably his biggest lolcow move besides bragging about being super undoxable. The sad thing is David's still doomsperging hard in the corona thread to this very day, but now instead of laughing, cause he's anti-vax, kiwi farms users treat him as a next level genius despite reading 1/10th his schizoposts citing /pol/'s coronavirus general as gospel.
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General Tugboat

Waffen tier shit poster and retard wrangler
What a great thread, the amount of sheer detail to unwrap the autism vortex is very appropriate for his tier of sperging. I wasn't aware that TD had such a expansive library of sperg outs and chimp outs before reading this. I would read his dissections on the Wu Flu thread and a lot of the time if he just learned to summerize, he would probably manage to deliver some interesting information if he would of reduced his posts to at least 1/6th of the length.

I think the best moments was when he was sheer and utterly doom posting about what amounted to be just a bad flu. I'm not going to dismiss all of his information, but I'm going to say though that he does come off very smug, and honestly a lot of the time he only managed to derail the discussion into diatribes that had nothing to do with the initial topic. The fact that he had a fucking pony fanfic that surpasses the entire Game of Thrones just demonstrates the amount of word salad that he tosses, like he wishes the cartoon horses would do to him.

Though seeing he has well over a decade of being a mega sperg, he obviously just doesn't have the capacity to learn that on a website dedicated to archiving pure refined retardation just demonstrates he only came to KF as a last resort after being ostracized from every other community. His peak chimp outs in the pandemic have been by far some of the funniest content I have read on the Farms to this very day. It's quite a marvel that he managed to surpass the stratosphere in the amount of ridiculous shit he posts.

It seems to me that he generally does enjoy the attention despite that it is mostly negative. Either way, I had some great laughs from this. Hopefully his medical degree works out in the field of human horse hybrids. It would make for a good freakshow for sure.

Arm Pit Cream

🌊💪🏻🌴White Boy Summer Has Commenced🍹🤜🌊
Person of Interest
Confirmed Drama Goblin
There once was a Saint named David, despite a personality so quaint was rather isolated, so much he in fact felt faint. This kiwi was easily baited, perhaps a little overweighted. From the rooftops he shouted "Hark, Neurotropic Brain-Eating Virus!" like he was drinking an intoxicant, downing every psychotropic.
Drained, yet overconfident, the fated man who inspired us. Trained internet PhD.
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Sinking of the Titan was an inside job.
Based on my brief contact with Kiwi Farms, I think I have a pretty good profile of the average Farmer.

Very aggressive Type A personality. Perfectionist. Goes out of their way to find faults in others. Lanky and malnourished-looking ectomorphs, and probably hormonally-imbalanced, with slender piano player fingers, but uses avatars of well-built, masculine, block-headed people like John Goodman and John Wayne to come across as intimidating. Listens to Eurobeat, Dance, and Techno and whatever else has just the right sadomasochistic vibe. Fascist-adjacent, but makes fun of fascists, too. Wants desperately to relive their years as a high school bully, but can't quite pull it off as an adult without being ridiculed by polite society. Deeply insecure about their own autistic tendencies and astronomical power levels. Spends all day picking on "spergs", "troons", "furfags", et cetera, as a form of ritual flagellation to suppress those tendencies in themselves and reassure themselves of their ideological purity. Fear of being discovered, halaled, and targeted by one's peers encourages cult-like conformity and discourages any displays of individuality whatsoever.

Am I getting warmer?




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I'm not lifting a finger

Toddler Cummy Connoisseur
My man David Jamison dindu nuffin, you're just a mad sped

Jokes aside, you're a mad sped, lick the doorknobs of your local intensive care unit.
Meanwhile, courageous first responders (@Yotsubaaa, @teriyakiburns, @ADHD et al.) were searching for survivors in the wreckage of David's DFE suicide bombing:
You're very naught-like, however, you lack his archive-prone tendencies, get good or get fucked.
Sensing that the real name of an undoxed retard had been posted to Kiwi Farms, @zedkissed60 sprung into action. He tracked down David's Facebook, his father's LinkedIn, and a number of other things he shared in the Kiwi Farms chat:
Hey @Cody Rutledge Wilson you sleuth überautist, let's make it easy for you, my name is Stephen William Lafleur, my reddit dot com handle is u/maxwellhill and my address is 4210 Wolfetown Rd Cherokee, NC 28719.
He has me blocked, but anyway, the challenge stands.
He then joined us in chat
What a bunch of faggots that you're, joined 'you' in chat? I don't expect less from the safe space where tryhards like Zed, Dyn and you come from.
On March 29th, less than 24 hours after he said he needed to unplug, David returned to the thread to gloat about destroying the evidence of his autism before we could find it:
You're putting it up in such a faggy way you're making me feel sympathy for the guy, damn, how do you niggers consistently manage to be less charismatic and likable than the cows you cover?
Undaunted, David continued his victory lap and underscored his boasts with an autistic train video:
Holy shit based.
David's bravado not only failed to deter Kiwis from looking into him, it inspired them to dig even deeper. One thing they found was that while David was busy tarding out here, one of his coworkers was literally dying from COVID-19:
As we can clearly see in the post, that was all David's fault.
Moralfag better nigger.
David doubled down on his attempts to get us to stop by pretending he was unfazed, then dropping one of the most autistic insults in recorded history:
Are you seriously this fucking humorless? The caliphers joke is hilarious and David is not the first one to make it, spend less time making shitty edits and lurk moar faggot.
Questionable Questing
What's that?
David's alleged gender dysphoria, which may or may not just be him LARPing as a tranny.
All trannies are 'LARPing' but that's not here nor there.
Based janny
Based and janny can't go in the same phrase, ESPECIALLY @it's HK47
I'll let you draw your own conclusions about what that means for the site and its current userbase.
What I think it means for the current userbase if in one side you have 'apolitical' oldfags psychos and left-wing hedonists like you seething at the right-wing contrarian schizos, similarly to TERFs and troons, both of these groups deserve to suffer each other, so I'm glad it is this way.

Overall, so far this thread is all over the place and I have lots of mixed opinions about it, so far:
8 out of 10 lolcow, perhaps even 9 out of 10 lolcow.
On one hand without this research this wouldn't be available to me.
On the other hand, like pretty much anything you do, this is fucking painful to witness, you're worse than Naught, I'm not being hyperbolic, makes me wonder if you're trollshielding harder than he was, holy shit nigger.

I see some gold nuggets from you mate in the following parts, such as:
The fucking boldness of you of all people making this statement and quoting yourself, your lack of self-awareness is offensive to this world
My God, how has not the universe imploded

Later I'll read part 2 and it let you know my thoughts, what? What's that? That you don't care about them? Too bad, because that changes nothing, I don't post this for you, that's for sure, get fucked.
And if you don't like it you can always chicken out like your friend Zed/@Cody Rutledge Wilson and click that ignore sticker.

Arm Pit Cream

🌊💪🏻🌴White Boy Summer Has Commenced🍹🤜🌊
Person of Interest
Confirmed Drama Goblin
random internet blogs are better than actual sources and shockingly lying is an CIA / "FSB" method, he's really dropping redpills
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